


A Million Kisses

by EreriMakesMeSin



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Amputee Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Blood, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), College Student Eren Yeager, Death, Eren comforts Levi a lot, Eventual Levi/Eren Yeager, Fear, Fluff, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Has PTSD, M/M, Mai is the name of Mikasas mother, Masturbating, Mikasa is levis' niece, Minor Character Death, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Smut, Top Eren Yeager, Torture, Trauma, Triggers, but his uncertainty is still cute, levi is a virgin, mention of sexual abuse, thats not really relevant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 23:12:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9629369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EreriMakesMeSin/pseuds/EreriMakesMeSin
Summary: Levi had survived. He was the only one of his squad that was able to return home to the family that he barely knows. The war in Afghanistan has taken a toll on his body and mind, which explains why Levi wished he also hadn't returned. Everyone that he knew has either died or moved on from their friendship with Levi since he joined the army several years ago. He feels damaged and broken as he sits in his wheelchair in his new room.Somehow this all changes when Mikasa, his niece, brings home a bright-eyed brunet named Eren to study with. Eren helps Levi with his nightmares at night when he wakes up screaming again and the warm tea that Eren provides Levi with after another rough night is the first thing the raven falls in love with.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Changed the title from 'Broken Bones and Mended Hearts' to 'A Million Kisses', just because I like this title more. I hope you understand and will still read this fic.

I don’t know if there is a god. If there is I would kindly give him my middle finger and yell ‘fuck you’ right at his face. That guy fucked up my life, made me see things that just aren’t in the same room, or even the same country, as I am. Made me go to war at a young age only to come out wounded and missing a limb and several fingers. And a part of my heart.

He also gave me someone to care for, someone that stared at me when he first saw me. Someone who looked very nervous while meeting me for the first time, biting his bottom lip like he wanted to draw blood. If that was from the fact that I was wearing an eye patch and miss some fingers, or from the fact that he has just met the man he will grow to love even more than life itself is still a mystery to me. I should ask him sometime.

The fact that this supposed ‘God’ gave me him would make me feel guilty and I would stop flipping him off and mutter a ‘sorry’ while staring at the ground and kicking small stones from the pavement with my good foot.

 

 

Everything hurt. The part where my left shin is supposed to be throbs as a blonde nurse wraps it up in fresh gauze. The places on my left hand where my middle finger and pinkie are supposed to be throb in their own gauzes. I cringe as one of the nurses’ long ass nails scrape over the sensitive flesh of my injured leg. She mutters a sorry before returning to wrap me up neatly. She smiles up at me with those big blue eyes and I look down at my lap. People shouldn’t be so nice to me.

“All done now, Colonel.” She says in a too-sweet voice. I force a small smile as I thank her for helping me. She merely smiles back while grabbing the wheelchair from the corner of the room and rolling it forward and in front of me. I sigh heavily and glance at my left leg, moving the knee just above the stump uselessly. “Do you need any help Colonel?” the nurse asks, her voice laced with concern, making me roll my eyes internally. People shouldn’t care about me.

I nod slightly and she wraps her arms around my torso. A wave of the sweetest perfume I have ever smelled hits my nose and I hold in a cough. Jesus Christ that shit is sweet. The nurse lifts me up surprisingly supple off of the hospital bed that I was practically chained to for the past two weeks and places me into the wheelchair. I mutter a ‘thanks’ at her and she smiles again. “Your family is waiting for you in the lobby, Colonel Ackerman. They must be glad to see you again” she rolls me forward and towards the door of my hospital room. I sigh again and try really hard to remember what my last living family looks like. I seem to only remember their names, Mikasa my younger niece, but only by a few years, and her mother Mai, who was my mothers’ twin sister.

The wheels on my wheelchair squeak rather annoyingly on the hospital floors and I scowl at them. Silence has always been my thing. When I look back up from the ground I notice people looking at me, whether it is at my get-up or the fact that I’m missing a leg is a mystery to me. The eye patch on my right eye might not be doing wonders for not attracting any attention either.

“All of your stuff has already been send to your new home and arranged there in your new room.” The nurse behind me says, I nod absently and glance around again. Yes, people are definitely staring at my leg.

When we round the corner a large hall comes into view. My eyes scan the crowd for the familiar jet black hair that plagues my family but they stop when my eyes catch the gaze of someone I know very well. The old man with a grey moustache that also covers his upper lip walks towards me and stops in front of my feet. He salutes me before smiling crookedly.

“Pixis. You shouldn’t salute me you old fool. You’re still one rank higher than I am” a small smile tugs at my lips because of the nostalgia of it all. Pixis has always done these things. All because my nickname in the army was ‘Humanity’s Strongest’ and he was the one that made it up. Well, Humanity’s strongest is in a wheelchair now missing a leg and blind with one eye. The small smile falls from my lips.

“Colonel Ackerman, I am here on behalf of the army to hand this over to you” Pixis bends down and places a neatly folded flag in my lap, the heavier than anticipated package seems to punch me in the gut without meaning to. “Erwin has asked me the day before he passed that if you were still alive when he wasn’t anymore that I would give his flag to you.” Pixis looks down at the flag at the same time as I swallow thickly.

Five months. It has been five months since Lieutenant General Erwin Smith was murdered while attending a rescue mission. It’s been four and a half months since his funeral. That I wasn’t able to attend.

“I would have liked to give it to you sooner but something told me you didn’t want any visitors” Pixis says, a smile tugging at his lips. I nod and press my hand against the flag. “Thank you, Brigadier Pixis” I say, my voice cracking. Pixis doesn’t seem to mind, in fact he understands. He knows very well how close Smith and I were.

The pressure of a small and warm hand on my shoulder pulls me from my thoughts and I look up at the blonde nurse. Her kind smile still plastered on her face. “Your family is waiting for you Colonel Ackerman.” She says, her voice soft and laced with emotion. I frown slightly and nod. People shouldn’t get emotional over me.

“Let me know how life goes Colonel, I’ll visit soon” Pixis salutes me again with a smile and walks away when I nod at him. My army jacket feels heavy on my shoulders, just like the flag on my lap. The Colonel cap seems to suffocate me and I itch to take it off. I really don’t deserve it. I do as I wish and take the cap off, placing it on top of the folded flag and ruffling my hair, which I had freshly cut in my old undercut.

The nurse leads me to a smaller area, where the familiar jet black hair of my aunt Mai comes into view. The sweet perfume comes close again as the nurse leans down to whisper something in my ear. “I’m sure you can manage the rest yourself, Colonel. It was nice to meet you” the nurse that has taken care of me the two weeks I had to stay in this god forsaken building kisses my cheek in a friendly way and I smile slightly at her. “Thank you for taking care of me. I know I’m not the best patient you could’ve asked for but that doesn’t mean I didn’t appreciate it” I tell her, she smiles widely and a blush comes on her cheeks. “Thank you, and please never come here again. I hope you have a healthy life, you deserve that” She pats my shoulder before turning around and walking away.

Sighing I turn back to my aunt, who looks right back at me. I wince slightly as I grip the wheels of my wheelchair to push me forward, the fresh and infected wounds on my hands stinging. Mai stands up and smiles at me before leaning down and kissing my cheeks two times. “Good to see you again, Lee” She says, her hands clasped in front of her lap. The corners of my mouth almost curl up in a smile when I hear my old nickname.

“It’s a pleasure to see you too, Mai” I answer politely, not really know how to act around the aunt that I haven’t seen in seven years. “I’m sorry Mikasa couldn’t be here today. She has school right now but she’s looking forward to see you again after all those years” Mai says, walking around me and pushing me forward, towards the exit of the building. I hum in acknowledgement and lean with my elbow on the arm rests.

Fresh air. I breathe in deeply a few times before opening my eyes again. It has been so long since the only fresh air I got was between torture sessions and barely getting any sleep in my cell.

Mai walks us towards a black Mitsubishi Outlander and she opens the passenger side door before looking between me and the seat. I chuckle at her confused expression before rolling my wheelchair around so that I’m directly in front of the seat. I place the flag and my cap in the middle of the two seats. After I firmly place my hand on the seat I lift myself up with my good leg and arm. It doesn’t take long for me to plop right into the car seat. Mai smiles up at me and folds the wheelchair before putting it in the backseat.

The ride to my new home doesn’t take long, it’s silent the whole time. Both Mai and I have no idea what to say to each other. The Army has given her a brief explanation of what has happened to me in those months that I have been away and why it will do me good to live with my family for a while before living on my own again. I’m sure that she has no idea what to say to me since she doesn’t have a clue how I will react. PTSD risks and that stuff.

After maybe half an hour Mai stops the car in front of a big beige house. When I look at the house nostalgia floods me once again. My mother and I frequently visited my aunt when she was still alive, it was when she died when I was sixteen that I decided to go into the army.

“here we are” Mai says, opening the passenger door and unfolding the wheelchair. After I have hauled myself back into the thing and grabbed the flag and cap from the car she closes the door again. I roll myself towards the door, eager to get inside and be alone in my room for a while.

Mai opens the door with her key and smiles at me. As I push myself through the door and into the hall before entering the living room I look around. Pictures are everywhere, making the corners of my mouth curl up. The whole house looks very house-y and I like it.

“Mikasa” Mai suddenly yells making me flinch back from her, adrenaline shooting through me making my heart thump loudly against my chest. My breath comes out in short puffs as I calm myself down. “I’m so sorry, Levi” Mai says, placing a hand on my cheek and examining me as if I’m a fragile being. People should really stop caring about me. “it’s okay” I croak out, forcing my breathing to calm the fuck down because this isn’t Afghanistan, this is my new home.

Mai sighs before standing up again. I abruptly turn myself around and roll myself into the living room. “Oh! Levi? Your room is just down the hall” Mai tells me, immediately giving the escape that I need. I lift my hand in acknowledgement and move down the hall where the guest bedroom and bathroom is. I open the door and go in, immediately closing the door again. I roll myself to the bed and place the flag and cap onto my new nightstand. Then I stand onto my good leg and lean onto the bed before rolling onto it. Sighing heavily I stare up at the ceiling.

Fuck that god that turned my life to shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the next chapter ready so I'll post that one too if you guys like it. Please let me know in the comments :)


	2. Chapter Two

Soft rapping against my bedroom door pulls me from my intense staring contest with the ceiling. I sit up, leaning with my hands again the bed. “Come in” I mutter, barely loud enough for the person on the other side of the door to hear. The person does though and the door gets pushed open slowly. “Levi” Mikasa sighs, a small smile forming on her lips. “Hey” I mutter back, waving her into the room. She obeys and closes the door behind her again. “I’m sorry about my mom. She has no idea to handle this whole situation” The raven says, the bed dips underneath her weight as she takes a seat on it.

I chuckle dryly and rub in my good eye with my right hand, blacking out all vision. “I noticed. It’s okay though, I get it. Having a guy who has ignored his family for the last seven years with possible war traumas isn’t a common thing and certainly not something that most people know how to handle” I give her an apologetic smile and she nods at me, her eyes shifting down to my missing leg before flicking them to the hand that misses a couple of fingers.

“I have missed you Levi. We used to be quite close and I miss that” Mikasa mutters, tugging that red scarf around her neck over her mouth. Sighing I fully sit up and take her hand into my good one. “I’m fucking terrible with words, you know that. But I really missed you too” I tell her sincerely. She smiles, or at least I think she does because her eyes light up a bit. “Can I hug you?” She asks and I chuckle slightly before nodding. She moves over to the part where my left leg is supposed to be and wraps her arms around me. We hug for maybe a full minute before she pulls back.

“I’m glad you’re still alive, Levi.” Mikasa says, her hand patting mine as she stands up. “Yeah” I mutter, looking down at the lump on my leg. _But I’m not glad._

“On another note, dinner is almost ready and I’m sure you’re glad to get some real food into you instead of that hospital mush” Mikasa tugs her scarf down and smiles kindly at me. I nod at her and tell her that I’ll be down soon. She nods absentmindedly before exciting the room, leaving me alone to go back to that staring contest.

After dinner I quickly retreat back to my room after wishing Mikasa and Mai a goodnight. After quickly but thoroughly brushing my teeth and clumsily undressing myself and putting some pyjamas on I crawl back into bed.

Mikasa has told me her friend usually comes over on Wednesdays to study together at her home. Something tells me she has already warned that friend of hers about my ‘condition’ but I really hope she hasn’t. I don’t like people that look at me with all that sympathy shit that I don’t deserve.

After a few hours of lying there with my eyes open, one actually seeing something and the other too damaged to receive any information about the outer world, I slowly fall asleep. 

 

 

The sound of gunshots wakes me up from my light slumber. I immediately sit up and swing my leg over the edge of the bed. Trying to stand onto one leg with a thumping heart, pumped with adrenaline, proves to be quite difficult but the urge to check out where the gunshots came from and saving the only family I have left is too great and I jump from furniture to furniture to lean on.

Eventually I reach the door and swing it open. The hall is dark. Not a sign of an enemy whatsoever. My heart keeps thumping as I jump clumsily on one leg to the living room, barely keeping my balance.

“Levi”

The sound of my name makes me whip around, panic rising as my only good eye needs to adjust to the dark to see anything. My heart thumps and my breathing is erratic as my gaze locks with Mikasa, who is lazily rubbing her eye with a closed fist.

“What are you doing up in the middle of the night?” She asks, her voice gruff with sleep. “Gunshots” I whisper back, the gaze of my eye flicking back to the living room and to the dark hall. Mikasa drops the fist rubbing her eye and looks really confused with my short explanation. “there were no gunshots, Levi. You’re save here” She walks over to me and wraps her arm around my torso for some leverage. I lean gratefully on her surprisingly strong frame as I take deep breaths. No gunshots.

“Was it in my head?” I whisper, rubbing my temple with my good hand. She nods silently and leads me towards the kitchen. “I think that you’d like some tea, right?” Mikasa asks, helping me onto a chair by the kitchen island. I nod and take some more deep breaths to calm my erratic heartbeat some more.

“I could swear I heard them” I mutter, rubbing my good eye. Mikasa turns on a soft light in the kitchen and turns around from the kitchen counter with two mugs with steaming tea. “I think it was just a bad dream, Levi. It’s a common occurrence for war heroes” Mikasa smiles slightly before taking a seat on the opposite of the island. I sigh heavily at the words ‘war heroes’. That’s not what I am.

“Do you mind me asking what happened to your eye?” She suddenly says. My heart rate picks up immediately as something flashes before my eyes. Yells echo in my head, my own screams too as my left eye begins to burn.

A calm soothing noise, the kind of sound a mother would use for her children wakes me up from whatever the hell that was. “you’re okay, Levi” it’s Mikasa. Her hand rubs my injured one and I stare at it. “I won’t ask again, I’m sorry” She smiles softly before retracting her hand from mine. I swallow thickly and decide to change the topic.

“How is college treating you?” I ask, my voice wobbly. I take a slow sip from the hot tea in my good hand and sigh softly at the warmth. Mikasa smiles down at her hands and nods. “Good, very good. I want to become a nurse later on” I smile slightly at her and nod back.

I remember the nurse from the hospital telling me that. She told me it was a good thing my niece wants to become a nurse because she can practise on changing my bandages. I chuckle at the memory of the scowl I gave her.

“So I’m also going to be the one that changes you bandages every day at twelve in the morning and eight in the evening for the next three weeks” Mikasa says casually. Even though I can see the excitement in her eyes because she gets to practise bandaging wounds I’m not really fond of the idea. “Are you sure you can handle that? I mean my wounds are pretty bad Mika” I tell her, taking another sip from the tea and noticing that the cup is almost empty. She smirks at me and nods. “Of course! If I want to be a nurse I’m going to have to handle that. I’d really like to practise on you, Levi. Plus, mom can’t even put on a band aid to save her life” she chuckles behind her hand and I smile slightly.

My eyes shift over to the green number of the digital clock in the microwave. 04.37 . “Why are you up this late? You have school tomorrow right?” I ask my niece, frowning at her. She shrugs and takes a sip of her tea before answering. “I had to pee and then I heard you stumbling around the house” I give her an apologetic smile and finish my tea.

“At what time will your friend arrive tomorrow?” I ask my niece. She takes the cup from my hand and puts it in the sink before walking around the kitchen island and putting her arm around me to help me back to my room.

“Eren will be here around eleven. We’re both free from school tomorrow anyway so he’s coming a bit earlier than usual. I’ve told him about you, I hope you don’t mind” She says, glancing my way. I shake my head and wobble with her towards the hall, where the door that leads to my room is. “He’s actually pretty excited to meet someone from the army. His dad was in the army too actually.” She informs me. I hum in acknowledgement. “He studies Biology and Medical Lab research at the same college as me” She mutters when we reach my room. She opens the door before helping me inside too.

“If he’s nice to me I’ll consider letting him watch while you dress my wounds” I tell her, making her smile broadly. I chuckle at her expression and drop myself into my bed and underneath the duvet.

“I’m sure he’ll be even more excited if I tell him that. He loves the human anatomy as much as he loves pizza.” She leaves my room with a small wave to return to her own and I sigh again, for what seems like the millionth time this day.

I have no idea why I told Mikasa that last bit. Why would I let some stupid friend of hers see my wounds? Why did I even consider that? The only one that has tended to my wounds these past three weeks has been that blonde nurse.

After lying awake for a good hour my eyes start to droop as I fall asleep.

 

 

To my own horrifying discovery I had needed Mai’s help with getting my clothes on. The specially tailored pants were a tad too tight to get on with one hand and I had to ask for Mai’s help. No way that I would let Mikasa dress me. Also, buttoning the small buttons of a burgundy dress shirt proved to be impossible when you miss a few fingers and haven’t had any practise.

I thank Mai as she helps me to the bathroom to brush my hair. Once everything is done I wobble back on one leg to my wheelchair. The only reason that I use the stupid thing is because I can’t walk like a normal person now and leaning on crutches with my injured hand has proven to be difficult. I roll myself to the living room after glancing to the digital clock on my nightstand. 09.57 .

Breakfast exists of waffles that Mai made to welcome me home. It’s a really nice gesture but people should stop wanting me to be happy.

Around eleven, when I’m sitting on the couch silently reading a book, or pretending to, the bell rings. Mikasa stands up from her spot on the table where she was hunched over some study books and walks towards the front door. I don’t care enough to look up from staring holes through this stupid book.

Loud laughs come from the hall as the front door closes. The book in my lap refuses to catch fire.

“Levi, meet Eren. That friend from school I told you about?” I look up from murdering the book to Mikasa, then to the guy next to her.

He looks nervous, his teeth chewing on his bottom lip as his eyes look everywhere but me. The mop of brown hair on top of his head looks like he just rolled the fuck out of bed. His clothes are mostly black, except for the red flannel he has tied around his hips. Typical college kid.

“Nice to meet you” I say, sticking out my good hand for the guy to shake. Then his eyes look my way. They’re green. Or blue? I frown while thinking of a word to describe the colour but nothing comes to mind.

“pleasure to meet you too, sir” Eren says, taking my hand and firmly shaking it. I smile politely up at him and see his eyes flicker towards my injuries. The usual sympathy that floods in peoples’ eyes don’t flood his – whatever the hell the colour is – eyes. He merely looks curious.

“Please drop the ‘sir’.” I tell him, letting go of his bigger hand. He nods and glances over at Mikasa, who seems pleased with our meeting. “okay, let’s go study Eren” She says, clapping in her hands once. I wince back from the noise and my breathing picks up. Before anyone notices I calm myself.

“Are you okay?” the voice startles me again and I flinch back from Eren. He looks worried, but he barely knows me. He can’t be worried about someone he barely knows. “I’m fine” I say, looking Mikasa’s way to see that she’s rearranging her books to make room for Erens’. Eren bites his bottom lip again, making me look at the movement. The places where he bites too hard turns a light yellow from where the blood stops flowing. “Okay, I’m sorry” Eren’s lips say then. He moves back and towards the table.


	3. Chapter Three

Maybe an hour later filled with attempts to actually read the damn book Mikasa calls my name softly. “I’ve got to change your bandages now, Levi. Do you want to do it here or in the bathroom?” I glance between her and Eren, who is anxiously and excitedly biting that damn bottom lip again. “here is fine, if Eren’s okay with that” I mutter, already moving myself into my wheelchair. I roll myself towards them while Eren nods, trying – and failing – not to look too excited.

“Okay” Mikasa mutters, staring intensely at my pants. “I’m sorry Lee, but these got to go” She says, pointing at my pants. Of course they do. I glance over at Eren, who’s sporting a barely there blush. “Sure” I say, unbuckling my belt and undoing the buttons of my pants. I slowly take them off – not to tease Eren or anything but just because that shit is really hard when you can only use your right hand – when they’re off and I’m left in my black boxers Mikasa comes back with the bandages, my pills, eye droplets and the ointment to treat my wounds with from the bathroom.

She puts them down on the table and looks down at my leg. “have you done this before?” I ask her, leaning back in my chair and refusing to look at my half-leg. She nods before softly peeling the old, and now dirty bandages off of my leg. “Does wrapping up Erens’ knee a week ago count?” She asks shyly. I chuckle and nod. “sure it does, but this time a real leg has been blown off and you’re about to see the remains of said leg” guilt floods my gut as she looks up at me. She then smiles and it eases the guilt of possibly making her regret this and leaving me to fend for myself. I didn’t like accepting it but I do need the help.

“I actually visited patients with severed limbs a while back in the hospital” Eren chimes is, his eyes fixated where the stump of my leg slowly gets into view. When the gauze peels off some of the sensitive skin on my still open wound I wince and tense my jaw. When Mikasa is done with unwrapping me she throws the bandages away before putting on some gloves and opening the small jar with the ointment for my wounds. “Do you mind if Eren unwraps your hand? It’ll be faster that way and then I can threat that too immediately.” Mikasa asks me, glancing up from my red wound to my face. I nod and place my hand onto the table in front of Eren.

He gulps before softly peeling the bandage off. His fingertips touch my skin regularly, pulling my attention from the way Mikasa treats my wound to the brunet.

The red wound on my left hand where several of my fingers are supposed to be are revealed and I look at them.

The memory of how I lost them floods back into my mind and I can see those eyes again. Those relentless brown eyes peeking through the mask, because the people that held me captive were too cowardly to reveal their faces as they slowly, inch by inch remove my fingers. My own screams and pained, muffles huffs echo in my mind.

I don’t notice my heart rate picking up and my breathing starting to quicken. I don’t notice the way my muscles tense and my eyes start to frantically move in my skull. Eren and Mikasa do though and soon a warm hand is wrapped round my wounded one. I stare at the tanned hand in mine and furrow my eyebrows. By breath is quick but I manage to calm them down as the warm hand rubs softly on my wrist and hand palm. “you’re okay” the voice makes me look up at his face. His big green? eyes worriedly and frantically looking into mine. They unexpectedly make me feel a bit calmer, calm enough to apologise for my ridiculous and weak behaviour.

“It’s fine, you’re okay, Levi.” Eren continues to mutter. I nod at him and avert my gaze from his to my freshly bandaged left stump. “Thanks Mika” I mutter, my right hand coming up to rub at my good left eye. “Don’t mention it.” Mikasa mutters, grabbing the eye drops from the table and handing them to me. “thanks” I mutter, opening the cap with my mouth, then placing it back on the table to take my eye patch from my right eye. I pick the bottle up again and lean my head back, silently dropping four drops of the substance into my eye. The drops are to keep my eye moisturized for a whole day since not only my eye but the whole system behind it is fucked up because of those brown eyes.

Warm fingers put some ointment onto my left hand before bandaging them again.

“Thanks for letting me watch. I know it must be pretty personal for you” Eren says as Mikasa moves to throw away the dirtied gauzes. I nod silently and look at the hand Eren has just bandaged. “It’s okay though, I like helping people learn shit so” Eren chuckles and I look up at the sound, his lips are stretched in a relaxed smile, making my frown lighten, the crease between my eyebrows disappearing. “thanks for calming me down” I mutter, a slight blush creeping onto my cheeks at the embarrassing memory. Eren smiles sweetly at me and pats my good hand. “No problem Colonel” Eren says, smirking. I frown at the title and sigh heavily. “drop the title,” _I’m not worthy of it anymore._ “and hand me my pants” I add, remembering I’m practically half naked and was just holding the hand of a college student. “Yes, sir” Eren say mockingly before handing me my pants. He looks away while I put it on.

 

 

_Water everywhere. In my nose, my mouth, my eyes and I think some has also gotten into my lungs. Then it stops, the washcloth that was previously placed over the bottom half of my face is taken away. Sweet air. I gulp as much air into my lungs as they can take because I know, very soon my air supply will be taken away again. The men around me laugh at me as I force my eyes to focus. My entire vision is blurry and my perspective seems off._

_A large hand places itself onto my forehead and my head gets pushed back again. The washcloth is back. I look up at the man with the best glare I can muster while air-deprived and he chuckles, his yellow teeth shining in the dim light of the room that we’re in. “Are you feeling well, Colonel?” He smirks, brown eyes looking into my grey ones as he licks his dry lips. I frown at the man and then the water is back._

Air fills my lungs as I gasp loudly, sitting up in bed. My heart rate is through the roof as well as the speed of my short pants. My whole body is covered in sweat and the image of the brown eyes burn in my eyes. Quickly I take off my shirt and grasp and claw at my chest. Air, I need more air. While one hand tugs at my hair the other struggles to make room in my lungs for _more air_. I wince in pain as I feel the wound on my hand opening up from the struggle I’m putting up but I can’t stop.

Suddenly the door opens and I panic. They can’t come back yet, I don’t have enough air. I throw the blankets haphazardly from my body and crawl back, yelping when I fall from the bed and onto my back on the cold floor. The figure approaches me and I’m about to scream for help because _I can’t do this anymore_ but then a young man crouches down beside me, his hand reaching out and softly touching my bicep. I flinch away from his touch and try to crawl into the corner of my room but my legs are too heavy. I look down at the stupid limbs that won’t work and gasp loudly. I’m missing half of my left leg.

“No, no, no, no, no” I almost yell, clawing at the raw flesh of my left leg, thinking that just maybe this is the nightmare and the other thing with all the water is still my reality. How can I continue in the army without my left leg? How can I make my mother proud without my left leg?

“shhh, calm down, Levi. Please” My eyes snap up at the young man in front of me. His green-ish eyes hold my gaze as he softly rubs circles into the skin of my upper arms with both hands. I open my mouth and gasp for some more air as I try to remember his name. Instead I ask him something more important.

“Do you know how I lost my leg?” I croak out, my voice is shaky with what seems to be panic and I frown at the sound of it. I sound terribly weak. How can I make my mother proud if I’m weak? The man shakes his head softly and I glare at the stump where my leg should be. “Do you know how that happened, Levi?” The young man whispers softly, slowly tugging me forward and into his strong arms. He holds me together as I shake and tremble. Not able to remember when I lost my leg. I shake my head against his shoulder and he rubs my back. “You’re okay now” He whispers again. I nod softly and cling to his broad shoulders, needing him to not let go of me or I don’t know what I will do.

“Let’s get you some tea, yeah? Mikasa told me you like tea” the young man pulls back and I nod again, holding his shoulders in my hands. “Wh-what’s your name? you’re nice” I whisper, trying really hard to control my breathing. Then it hits me, this is that friend that Mikasa brought home yesterday. He was invited by Mai to stay the night and he was sound asleep on the couch when I went to pee a few hours ago.

“Eren, that’s your name. Sorry for forgetting” I mutter, looking down at my lap as Eren keeps soothing the skin of my arms. “It’s okay. Hold onto my shoulders as well as you can, I’ll carry you towards the kitchen” Eren says, his hands coming down to my waist. “No you’re not going to carry me, I’ll be fine walking by myself” I scoff and frown at Eren, his lips twitch up in a smile as he stands up, holding out his hands for me to lean on.

I grab his hands in mine and lift myself from the ground with my good leg. It’s not very stable but it’s certainly not necessary for Eren to carry me. Together we slowly walk towards the kitchen, him stable on his two feet and I wobbly and half jumping on only my right one.

Eren helps me towards a chair and walks towards the kitchen to make us some tea. While he’s in the kitchen I remember I took my shirt off when I woke up. I frown and look down at myself. Old scars are littered all over my chest and abdomen. My fingertips graze some of the more prominent scars and I sigh softly. Some happened in my years in the army, but most of them were the consequence of being captured with my squad by the enemy.

A big steaming mug of black tea is placed on the kitchen island in front of me. Eren smiles down at me before raking his eyes over my torso. The way he looks at me makes my chest and cheeks flush slightly and I quietly rub my hand over my upper arm. “here,” Eren says, moving to take off the sweater that he was wearing. “You must be cold like that” He grins at me as I touch the warm fabric of his sweater. “Thank you, but won’t you be cold?” I mutter, sticking my hands through the arm holes and putting it on. It’s incredibly warm and I can’t decide if it’s from his body warmth or the thick fabric.

“No, Mikasa always says I’m like a walking furnace so I’ll be fine” Eren grins and takes his seat on the opposite side of the kitchen island. As I take a deep breath of air an amazing smell hits me. like fresh cut grass and pine trees. I hum slightly and close my eyes, dipping my nose in the fabric. “Smells good” I say, opening my eyes and looking at Eren. He’s biting his bottom lip again. “thanks” He whispers, taking a sip from his tea.

We’re silent for a couple of minutes before Eren decides to ask me something that has been on his mind for a while. “what were you dreaming about? You were screaming in your sleep, I’m surprised nobody else woke up from it” We’re silent for another minute before I take a deep breath and decide to tell the truth. Maybe it’s the honest look in his eyes. Maybe it’s the fact that I barely know him, which makes it easier to admit to my nightmares. Maybe it’s something else.

“Maybe Mikasa told you, but in my last year in the army my squad and I got captured. We were tortured and,” I look up to see Eren staring at me with wide, apologetic eyes. He reaches over the table to place his hand on my wounded one but I pull it away. The fact that I’m telling this kid what happened to me is proof that I’m already growing too close. I can’t break someone else too. “I was dreaming about one of the water torture sessions” Erens’ eyes drop to the table and he swallows thickly.

“I’m sorry I asked, that must be terrible” He mutters, holding his steaming mug between his hands. I nod absentmindedly and take a small sip. The tea is still way too hot.


	4. Chapter Four

A few minutes roll by where none of us know what to say. Eren looks at the marble stone between us and I stare at my tea. Unconsciously I pull the sweater that Eren lend me up to my nose to smell at it again. It just smells too good to resist. When my eyes flicker up at Erens’ I can see him staring. His brig green (I’ve decided that the colour is in fact green after staring into them for a minute) eyes focused on my grey – and white – ones.

“I’m sorry I woke you up” I mumble, raising the mug to my lips to take a sip. The tea is much cooler now. “it’s okay, I wasn’t even asleep when you started trying to wake the whole house up” Eren chuckles and drops his gaze from mine. “Then I’m sorry you had to see me that way” I state, curiously taking in Erens’ reaction.

His eyes become softer as he looks me back in the eye. His plush lips curve up into a small smile and he licks them unconsciously. “That’s fine. I’m happy I got to be there for you” He says, smiling fully now and radiating light here in the dark kitchen.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence while we finish our tea I ask Eren to help me back to my room. He nods with a smile and takes the mug from my hands, his fingers lightly brushing mine as he does so. Then he moves to stand in front of me. I frown at him as he motions for me to wrap my arms around his neck. “No way you’re carrying me, Eren. I’m way too heavy for that shit” I say, crossing my arms and pouting slightly.

Eren chuckles. “I work out a lot, Levi. I’ll be fine. Besides, it’ll be much faster this way and you won’t have to strain yourself” His tan hands peel my arms from my chest and places them on his neck. I wrap them around his neck a little more tightly, allowing him to carry me but not without giving the taller man one of my most heavier eye rolls.

Eren grins to himself as his hands wrap around my thighs. A very manly squeal leaves my lips as he lifts me up in one go. Eren laughs quietly at the sound and turns around, carrying me back to my room. I feel like a fucking bride and I hate that. I also hate the comfortable warmth that Eren radiates and that I can’t help but snuggle into.

Erens’ cheek brushes over my hair as we near my bed, he then leans down and oh so softly lays me down. Jesus Christ, I’m a grown man for God’s sake and I don’t need anyone to carry me to bed. It doesn’t stop the blush from covering my cheeks though. I’m glad it’s dark.

Erens’ warm hands brush over the bare flesh of my thighs as he lets go. He then smiles down at me and grabs the duvet from where I pushed it to the ground earlier in my panic. “I don’t need you to do that for me” I grumble, sitting up and taking the fabric from him before pulling it up to my chin. I look up at Eren as I hear hum mumble the word ‘cute’ but he quickly looks away.

My eyes follow his frame as he walks back to the door to go back to the couch. “Don’t you want your sweater back?” I say just as he’s about to leave my room. He looks back and smiles. “You can borrow it for now, I’ll just grab an extra blanket. You practically ripped your own sleep shirt anyway” I look down at the ground and see that he’s right. I ripped the damn shirt off of my torso in my blinding panic to get the thing off.

“Goodnight, Levi. Yell if you need anything.” And with that he leaves the room, softly closing the door behind himself. I’m left alone in the dark in a bed that is three sizes bigger than the crappy beds in the barracks at the base that I’m used to. Or the floor in the cell that the brown eyes called my room for months.

 

The sweater still smells like Eren the next morning. Instead of making me feel calm it makes me feel uncomfortable. Mostly with myself since I shouldn’t think of his scent as calming and amazing. I frown at my hands as they are buried in the too-big sweater. The warm feeling that I got when Eren carried me to my bed and held me close isn’t there anymore, the memory of it is gone too.

I feel guilty. I took advantage of him by letting him carry me like that and I shouldn’t. I should be able to get to my own fucking room by myself but instead I willingly let someone carry me. The warm imprint of his hands on my thighs are gone too.

Quietly I swing my leg over the edge of the bed. Mai forgot to help me with my clothes this morning but I don’t blame her. She has work to get to. Guilt floods my stomach again as I realize that I’m nothing more than a burden to this family. To Eren too. I’m taking advantage of their money, living space, hospitality and on top of that they need to help me with the most mundane tasks as clothing myself.

My foot lands on the soft carpet and I lean forward, placing my hands onto the carpet as well. Balancing myself of two hands – one of which hurts like hell when I put pressure on it – and one knee and moving forward proves to be quite difficult in my still half-asleep state. I move slowly, quickly balancing myself when I almost fall down until I reach my closet. Opening the doors quietly I pull out a pair of pants before setting them on the floor next to my knees.

“fuck” I mutter, realising that while I’m on my knees there is no way I can reach the shirts on one of the higher shelves of the closet. I’ll have to keep this sweater on. A deep frown settles onto my forehead at the revelation and that stays there as I put my pants over some clean underwear.

I groan out loud as I realise that my wheelchair is in the living room. I’ll either have to call for someone or crawl into the living room. Grumbling and sighing I slowly crawl to the door, opening it and peering around it. Someone is cooking in the kitchen, it sounds like. Swallowing my pride and closing my eyes I call out. “Is anyone there?” I wonder if I called loud enough but that question is being answered for me when someone quickly pads over. I open my eyes again and find a pair of big green eyes looking at me questioningly.

“Mai didn’t come to help me to the bathroom and I refuse to awkwardly crawl there” I deadpan, making Eren smile slightly. He nods to himself before walking over. I place my hands in his and he pulls me up, my right leg wobbles and I almost lose my balance but Eren quickly places his hand on my waist, steadying me. “thanks” I mumble, placing my arm over Eren’s shoulder so he can support me while I jump awkwardly towards the bathroom.

Eren stands in the doorpost as I sit on the toilet, quietly brushing my teeth. I grab the sink tightly and lift myself up before spitting the toothpaste into the sink and flushing it away. Eren walks over and helps me get to the living room.

“where are Mikasa and Mai?” I question, taking a seat on the chair that I sat on last night. Eren returns to the kitchen to finish breakfast as he answers. “they had to buy some groceries, they’ll be back soon” I nod absentmindedly and fiddle with the long sleeves of Erens’ sweater.

“You practically live here, don’t you?” I ask the younger man as he grabs some necessities from the cabinets that I’ve never seen Mai open before. Eren nods and smiles as he looks back at me. “I do, it kind of feels like a second home to me here” I hum and brush my fingers through my hair. “My father isn’t my biggest fan so this is where I go when I get the feeling he doesn’t want me in his house. So I come here a lot” Eren mumbles, sighing afterward. I have to admit that was more information than I anticipated but I should listen to his problems if he’s willing to help me at night. I owe him.

“Why isn’t he your biggest fan?” I ask, bringing the sleeve of the sweater up to my nose and quietly sniffing at it. I feel guilty almost immediately and let my hand fall down. “I’m not smart enough to become a surgeon like him. The fact that I swing for the other team and he’s a homophobic asshole was the last drop. He hasn’t got the balls to disown the son that looks so much like his beloved wife though.” Eren gives me a sad smile and I return it, staying quiet.

“Where is your mom now?” I mumble, already having a feeling as to what the answer might me. “She died. She was present at a bank robbery and they shot her when they didn’t get the amount of money they asked for” His voice gets shaky, with anger or sadness, I wouldn’t know. He sighs heavily and scrapes some eggs onto two plates before placing one in front of me with a fork. “thanks, and I’m sorry I asked” I murmur, giving him an apologetic look. “It’s fine” He answers, digging into his breakfast.

We’re halfway done when my mouth decides to speak for itself. “My mother passed away too, Mikasas’ aunt. She got cancer when I just turned sixteen and died a week before I turned seventeen. I promised her on her deathbed that I would make her proud and fight for our country” The last part is more of a whisper. Suddenly I don’t feel like eating anymore.

I’m not in the army anymore. There is no way my mother is still proud of me when I’m not in the army. Even though I got honourably discharged I can’t fight for our country anymore like I promised her.

“Levi”

Eren’s voice makes me look up from the kitchen island. He smiles softly as he notices the undeniable sad and slightly distressed look on my face. “I’m sure she’s very proud of you” He says, reaching out to brush his fingertips over the top of my hand. I stare at the contact until he pulls back.

I sigh heavily and close my eyes, my vision changing to black in my left eye but the sight on my right eye will always be black. Here I am. Being comforted by a college student who is a few years younger than me with much less life-experience. I feel pathetic with the way my life is right now. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

The click of the front door closing catches my attention and I look up to see Mikasa and Mai coming into the living room. “oh good, you’re up. I went to check up on you two hours ago but you were still fast asleep. And I thought that a little more sleep couldn’t hurt you” Mai says, walking past me with a broad smile and placing the heavy bags in the kitchen. Mikasa follows her en also puts her bags down before starting to unpack them.

“We ran into someone at the supermarket, Levi. Someone that wanted to know how you’ve been” Mai looks back at me with a smile and some twinkling in her eyes that I can’t quite place. “who?” is my short reaction. “Hange Zoë” Mikasa says, opening the fridge.

Hange Zoë. No wonder she wanted to know from me. I haven’t contacted her since I was ‘rescued’ from the terrorists that we were captured by. She must have been worried sick when the word came out that the Special Operation squad of the army was captured, not to be seen again for five whole months.

“Oh” I mutter, rubbing my face with my hands. “I invited her to tea tomorrow around noon when Eren and Mikasa are at school” Mai says, giving me a small smile before patting my shoulder lightly. I nod at her and turn my head away from her sympathetic eyes.

“What’s wrong? Isn’t she your friend?” Eren asks, eyeing my expression. His hand twitches on the counter, ready to catch mine in a hold and soothe me. I don’t need soothing, I’m fine by myself.

“I wish she wasn’t but lying isn’t very honourable now, is it?” Eren chuckles before smiling. My eyes focus on the laugh lines around his eyes and cheeks. Me must smile a lot. “Can you grab my wheelchair? I want to go back to my room” I mumble, eyeing my wheelchair with a strong glare. I wish that prosthetic that I bought would just hurry up and be made already.

Eren immediately jumps up from his seat and walks over to the wheelchair, moving it in front of me. while he holds it steady I practically launch myself in there until I’m seated. “Thanks” I say, rolling myself towards my room to stay there for the rest of the day.


	5. Chapter Five

My hands are clammy and I feel like changing my shirt. Again. The thought that my long lost friend, the one that managed to cheer me up with her letters in the army is on her way right now to see me broken and missing a leg and a few fingers is nerve wrecking. Will she freak out? Will she be disgusted by me? Will she like who who I turned into? Will she try to poke my stump with a stick to find out if it hurts? Who knows? it’s Hange, and Hange is unpredictable.

Three loud knocks. Mai slowly – way too slowly for my tastes – closes her book and stands up from the couch where she was seated next to me. She lazily walks towards the front door and opens it. “Mai! Good to see you again!” I stiffen at the almost forgotten sound of my friend before smiling slightly. She hasn’t changed, I can tell. “Hange! Come in, come in. Levi is on the couch, I’ll prepare the tea” Mai says, moving into the kitchen. The living room is stiff with tension now.

I can feel her eyes burning the back of my head before she moves after closing the door behind her. Her quick footsteps stop when her feet come into the view of my downward gaze. “Levi, munchkin. I missed you so much!” then her face comes into view as she drops to her knees. My face is full with her brown hair as she practically jumps into my lap and hugs me around my waist. Her form shakes and after a few seconds I understand that the shaking means she’s crying. In my shock of being jumped by someone that I haven’t seen in god knows how long I forgot to hug her back. Then I wrap my arms around her just as tightly as she’s doing with me.

Her sobs grow louder then and even I can feel tears in my eyes. After maybe five minutes of sitting like this she moves next to me onto the couch. Taking my hand in hers she looks at me. Her bottom lip trembles as she looks over my form. Missing leg, fingers and completely white eye and all. “You look fucking horrible” I mutter then, making that smile that I used to know so well reappear on her red and tear streaked face. “Likewise, cupcake” her smiles broadens and even I can’t deny the upturning of the corners of my mouth.

“what the hell happened to you, Levi?” She then whispers, rubbing my knuckles with her thumb. I snatch back my hand and turn my face away, making her face fall. “I don’t want to talk about it” I mutter, rubbing my left shoulder with my good hand. Hange nods before clearing her throat. “I get that Levi, I do, and you don't have to tell me, honey" I look back up at her and give her a grateful smile. "But I do think you need to see someone. I have a small idea of what you've been through and no one is strong enough to work through that on their own"

“No I don’t” I state. Furrowing my eyebrows further. “I insist, Levi. I don’t want you to go bad again” _Too Late._ I sigh heavily and give in. if I just tell her I’ll try it she’ll stop nagging me about it.

“It’s the right thing to do munchkin. You know that. And I’m going to visit a fuckload of times and take you out to the movies, and diner and that small café we used to go to when we were younger” Her smile is back and she moves me into another hug. “I’m so glad you came back, Levi. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I ever heard you didn’t make it” Her words are whispers into my hair and her breath brushes my ear. “I’m glad I came back too” I lie.

 

 

Eventually Hange stayed for diner. Eren was also there and he and Hange had a very long conversation about some biology thing that I didn’t care to try and understand. Watching the green eyes of Eren lighting up with passion and love for the thing they were talking about was enough entertainment for me while eating. He’s very passionate.

“How did you and Levi meet?” His green eyes flicker over to me as he asks Hange this. She bursts out laughing, making Mai choke on her water, and clapping her hand on the table. I roll my eyes and continue eating as Hange slowly calms down. “Oh man” She mutters, wiping a stray tear from her cheek as she chuckles. She gives me a fond look before turning back to Eren.

“He stole the pink fine liner that I always wrote with at middle school and I jumped him trying to get it back. We fell to the floor and we fought about the stupid pink pen. And then I stopped trying to get it back and asked him why he wanted it.” Hange looks at me and grins, I quickly advert my eyes and concentrate on playing with my food. I can feel my cheeks turn a slight pink, luckily not as bright as the stupid fine liner I stole that day. “He literally whispers with the pinkest blush I have ever seen that he wanted to write a love note to our class president Erwin Smith”

The corners of my mouth twitch upward at the memory of my pathetic crush on the very, very straight Erwin. The crush lasted maybe a few weeks before some other boy caught my eye. I was fourteen, what else did you expect?

“Then I helped him writing the most sappy thing I have ever seen to this day, only for him to fall for Erwins’ best friend, Mike, before he could even give it to him” Hange bursts out laughing again, slapping her hand on the table while Mikasa smirks at me, Mai keeps her eyes down while Eren grins at me with something like relief in his eyes but I have no idea why.

 

 

The parting with Hange was an emotional one that evening. Well, on her part at least. After I closed the door behind her butt I turned my wheelchair around and rolled myself back into the living room. Eren’s the only one there. I remember Mai saying she’s going to take a shower while Mikasa is in her room studying.

Eren looks up at the sound of the wheels, he smiles again and I can’t help but stare at his face. Then his face slowly grows more serious and a frown appears. I want it to go away immediately. “Levi? Could I ask you something?” His soft voice asks. He’s biting his bottom lip again and it’s distracting me for a minute before I nod. “Sure” I roll myself in front of him and nod, signalling him to go ahead and ask away.

“Hange said you had a crush on that Erwin person. Does that mean you like guys?” his voice is soft and cautious, as if trying not to anger me. The corners of my mouth twitch as I look at Eren. I nod slightly and Eren breaks out in a small grin. “I am attracted to guys. But more so to a person. Let’s just say I care about what’s inside, not so much about the package” Eren nods thoughtfully while looking at his hands that are seated in his lap.

“Was that the question?” I ask, my eyebrows furrowing. Why did he want to know If I was attracted to guys anyway?

Eren shakes his head and takes a deep breath. Determination fills his green eyes and he opens his mouth to ask the – presumably – real question. “How did your dad react when you told him?” Oh, so that’s what this is about. “I’m sorry, kid. But I never knew my dad so I can’t help you with that” I give him an apologetic smile and turn around, rolling back into my room.

Eren stays on the couch thinking about the fight with his dad a few days back. The fight that resulted into him being banned from his home and forcing him to stay with Mai and Mikasa until he can find somewhere else to live.

 

 

The next morning is quite uneventful. Mai helped me into my clothes again as my left hand still hurts like hell. Eren was unusually quiet at breakfast before he and Mikasa went to school though. His green eyes were downcast the whole time and if you wanted to ask him something you had to call his name three times before he responded. It felt weird to see the usually cheery boy act so downcast. It made me want to ask what’s wrong. I didn’t though.

The afternoon was more eventful than the morning. Some special delivery guy came by the house and dropped off a heavy package. My name was written on it. When I opened is I saw a specially made prosthetic, one made of iron. The one I chose because it was the first one I saw but also because it looks cool.

The corners of my lips curl upward as I take the prosthetic out of the box. My leg needs to heal a little bit more before I can start my revalidation and learn how to walk with this thing. I couldn’t help myself and put the thing on though. It may hurt but standing for a few seconds seemed too great to pass up on. When I fastened the prosthetic around my leg it already hurt a bit but it became unbearable when I tried to stand up.

After maybe a second of standing up I had to sit back down. The pain was just too great. I slumped back down onto the couch but kept the prosthetic around my leg. Just seeing the thing made hope bubble up from inside of me. Someday I’ll be able to walk again.

Mai walks into the living room and smiles when she sees what I got from the delivery man. “That’s good, Mikasa told me that after three, maybe four days you’ll be able to use it” Her smile broadens and even I can’t help but show some teeth into my own smile.

 

 

“Be good to Levi, Eren. Promise?” Mai looks like a scolding mother as she presses the tip of her forefinger into Erens’ chest. He chuckles before nodding. “I promise, Mai. Now go enjoy your weekend away with Mika” He practically pushes her out of the door and quickly hugs Mikasa before shutting the door.

Just like that Eren and I are alone for the whole weekend.


	6. Chapter Six

By the time it was 6 o’clock the sun had already gone down or hid behind the grey clouds covering the skies. The only sound in the room was the turning of pages of the books Eren and I were reading. We’re sitting in front of each other, both leaning against the arms of the couch with our legs stretched out onto the couch, our legs touching.

I turn another page when Eren leans over, clicking the small lamp behind the couch on, providing us with better light. His long legs shift as he crosses them before uncrossing them again. I glare at him over the top of my book and he gives me an apologetic smile. Then he closes his book in favour to watch me read.

I ignore his green stare and stubbornly keep on reading. After having to read the same sentence five times over I sigh frustratingly and also close my book. “The fuck do you want?” I grumble, rubbing at my face with my good hand. “I’m going to order take-out and after dinner we need to change your bandages” He says, his voice soft and his smile even softer. I scowl at the cute expression – when did I start to think it was cute? – before nodding.

I hate the thought of having my bandages changed again but it really helps with my recovery. The infection has gone and the tissue that was affected by it is almost wholly healed. Maybe tomorrow I can try walking again. The thought of walking lifts my spirit and before I know it a small smile graces my lips. Eren’s soft gasp makes me look up and I drop the smile.

“You have a nice smile, Levi” The younger brunette says, grinning as he puts his hand into the pocket of his jeans to take out his phone. “Pizza?” He questions and I nod again, reopening my book and starting to read again.

Half an hour later the doorbell rings and Eren has to stand up. He pays and tips the delivery girl after denying her not so subtle flirting and comes back into the living room. He then places the really big box with probably a really big pizza in it on the table and goes into the kitchen to grab two plates. When he comes back I’m sitting straight up with my back to the back of the couch. He hands me my plat and smiles at me before opening the lid and placing a – really fucking huge – piece of pizza onto my plate.

As I take the first tentative bite of the pizza, I haven’t had one in almost seven years, I close my eyes at the taste. It’s greasy as hell and tastes like dough with some pepperoni but it’s good. “You like it?” My eyes snap open as I face Eren, who’s turning the television on to search for an interesting movie. I nod and swallow the bite. “It’s good” Eren breaks out in a grin at that and I have to force myself not to stare at for too long.

After eating three big slices I’m full, not quite used to eating a lot, especially if that something to eat isn’t dry, white bread. Eren keeps sneaking glances at me as we watch some cheesy romance movie. Eren hesitated when he landed on an action packed war movie but he quickly changed the channel. I felt rather relieved when he did that since I had no idea what could be a trigger for me, or if I even have any.

After Eren is also done, which took the rest of the pizza, he stands up to close the curtains in the living room. “I think there’s a thunderstorm coming” He mutters and I’m barely able to catch it. I look up and turn my head to where he’s standing behind the couch. “yeah?” I question, frowning at the sudden flash coming from outside. Eren starts counting on his fingers and I smile slightly. My mother used to do that too to know how far away the thunder was. When Eren moves to count on his tenth finger the thunder can be heard.

My heart rate picks up at the loud sound. Even though it’s still far away the sound startles me. My hands tighten around the edge of the couch and I close my eyes, trying to force my heart rate to slow the fuck down. Another flash and after seven seconds another loud sound. I can’t hold my lungs back from constricting, forcing me to hyperventilate.

_Bullets whizz past my ears as I run. The footsteps of Petra, Eld and Gunther can be heard behind me. the sound of our bare feet against the rocky road changes as we enter a concrete building, looking for shelter. Our shirts are torn. Petra’s left in only her bra and underwear because we made a run for it when they were occupied with fondling her._

_I managed to knock one of the guys down, knowing I was faster than the redhead and that the men would come after me first. That gave her, and the others a chance to make a run for it before I could follow them._

_I turn to the only female in my squad and question her with my gaze. She nods at me, a sign that she’s okay. For now. My right eye still burns and I press my hand against my eyelid, forcing the pain away for maybe a minute or so._

_We’re left with only our flimsy shirts and filthy boxers as our captives found it easier to torture us this way, less time being spend on un-clothing and more with torturing._

_More bullets. They make a thundering sound as they connect with the concrete of the building. We move to a big window, trying to keep an eye on our enemy. We hear loud laughs and my heart rate picks up. This attempt to escape will probably make everything worse because we can’t get away from them. They have an obvious advantage. We haven’t slept properly in weeks since they only grant us three hours of sleep every night before playing that stupid tune when we’re about to fall asleep again. We haven’t eaten anything other than bread and our daily plastic cup of water._

_When I look to my right and see Gunther my heart sinks. His cheekbones are prominent on his once slightly chubby face. His breath heaves from his weakened lungs and his eyes focus before un-focussing again. Petra is even worse. I know she got her period maybe two days ago, which means blood-loss, which means that she needs more water than normally but our captivators wouldn’t give her any, it didn’t matter how much I begged for it, they refused._

_More bullets and a loud thud on the floor left of me. Elds’ breath heaves as he tries so hard to breathe but seems unable to. His eyes flicker from me, to Gunther and Petra only to focus on me. There is a hole in his chest with blood seeping out of it, they hit his right lung. I drop to my knees next to him as my mind flickers from Eld to the memory of Aururo, who had the same hole but between his eyes. That seems like forever ago but it has only been a few days._

_“G-Good… working with…. You, Colonel” Eld whispers between breaths. He weakly raises his hand in a salute but can’t manage to raise it above his chest. His hand falls limp on his chest and his head rolls to the side._

“Levi!”

_As I look back to Petra I can see her silent tears rolling down her hollowed cheeks. She takes my hand, the one that was reaching for Elds’ and helps me stand up. “It’s okay” I whisper in her hair as she hugs me. she nods slightly and I look at Gunther. He’s staring at the body of his best friend before closing his eyes._

_More loud noises. Closer this time._

“Please, Levi. Come back to me”

_The door that we carefully closed behind us after coming into the building opens with a swing, thudding against the wall. Brown eyes twinkle and yellow teeth smirk at us. The gun that was causing the loud noises hangs loosely on his shoulder._

_“Time to come back home, dolls” the man rasps with an accent. “It’s okay Colonel, we tried but we all knew it wouldn’t work” Petra mutters, already walking towards the man that was touching her breasts barely ten minutes ago. All I can think of as we’re forced back, guns pointed at our heads, is that it’s not okay. I killed Eld._

“You’re going to kill me for this but I’m out of ideas”

Warm lips. Warm lips pressed against mine take me back to the present world, which felt so far away. Far away from all the misery that me and my team went through. My breath quickly huffs through my nose as I hesitantly start to press back against the lips. Anything to keep me away from all the death that I went through. Away from Afghanistan where my own life seemed to stop every time I had to watch one of my friends die a slowly death.

I’m leaning on my hands against the floor. When did I get down here? It doesn’t matter because warm hands are cupping my cheeks and lips press more confidently against mine. My breath, and heart rate seem to slow down and I wonder what type of medicine this is. I press my lips harder against the warm ones and move one hand into a thin shirt, clenching my fist tightly.

Then the warm lips pull back, almost making me whine at the loss of warmth and the fear that the memories will come back. A huff of hot breath against my face makes me open my eyes. It was Eren. Of course it was, he’s the only one here besides yourself, my mind says helpfully.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know what else to do, and it worked right?” His voice is raspier than normal and his cheeks redder than before. I nod silently and unclench my fist form his shirt. Eren doesn’t back away. “Thanks” I whisper, looking anywhere but at Eren because I can feel my cheeks redden. I needed him to kiss me before I calmed down and that embarrasses me to no end. He probably felt like he had to, but didn’t really want to.

I switch the sight of my eye to the left and see the couch. The pillows are thrown off of it, one even has a tear in it, white fluff coming out of it. I frown at the display, looking to my right to see the several, small vases that held daisies on top of the coffee table are now shattered on the floor, another pillow behind them. I did that?

“You freaked out pretty bad, yelling at me not to take you away” I look back at Eren, who’s also eyeing the mess I made I my blackout. “You actually punched me in the gut but it’s nothing I can’t handle. You throw one hell of a punch though” Eren chuckles and sits back on his knees, my only leg pinned between them.

“I’m sorry, what else did I do?”  I bite my bottom lip and frown hard at my hand, the one that misses a few fingers.

“You wanted to stand up, probably to get away more quickly but fell, when I tried to help you, you started yelling and throwing pillows at me. I tried to get away, that was when you hit the glass. You were sitting on he ground and I had to pin you down, after screaming your name a few times you still didn’t respond normally and I… kissed you” Eren says, he scratches the back of his head as his cheeks redden even more.

I carefully balance myself and grab one of his hands in mine. “I’m sorry for everything, especially for punching you, I didn’t mean to” Eren nods with a smile on his face before standing up. He takes both of my hands in his and keeps me balanced on one while fixing the couch so I can sit. “Thank you” I mutter, sitting down again. Eren comes back a minute later from the kitchen and places a glass water in front of me.

He sighs heavily and scratches the back of his neck again. I cock my head and just then notice that that’s a thing he does when he’s nervous. “You’re probably wondering why I didn’t apologise for kissing you. And that’s because I’m not sorry” He says quickly, walking out of the room to grab a broom and clean up the glass.

We’re both silent the rest of the night. My only thought while watching another stupid movie is about those warm lips. They felt so good against mine and I secretly want to feel them again.


	7. Chapter Seven

When Monday comes around Mai and Mikasa aren’t back yet. This isn’t a surprise since they called yesterday, they have car trouble. It’s okay though, Eren and Mikasa don’t have school until Tuesday and Mai could get a day off from her work. This does mean that the awkward atmosphere between Eren and I will go on for another day. After the kiss we haven’t spoken much. We usually don’t but this time the silence felt a bit suffocating.

This was especially bad when Eren had to re-dress my wounds and ask me if it was tight enough. His warm fingers against the bare flesh of my thigh was enough to distract me, which resulted in me responding to his question a minute too late.

The awkward atmosphere between Eren and I couldn’t fuck my day up though, today I have my first appointment with my physical therapist to start my revalidation and learn to walk again. Hange is the one to pick me up around two. I place myself into her car while praying that her driving skills have improved in the years that I have been gone.

They haven’t.

 

 

My appointment goes well and I’m able to walk, with crutches though. But that’s okay since my hand has healed enough that it doesn’t need the bandages anymore and that also means that I can hold shit again.

The walking – or attempting to – feels weird since I don’t have a foot to feel the surface with. The crutches help me to balance my weight though when I lose it because of the prosthetic. A smalls mile graces my lips as Hange and I _walk_ outside. The brunette is still pushing my wheelchair but grins back at me as I stumble behind her on two feet, one made of steel and rubber and the other of flesh and blood.

“I’m happy that this whole walking thing goes well for you” She sighs, taking my crutches when I reach the car and placing them In the backseat along with my wheelchair. I pull myself into the car and sigh. The walking doesn’t exactly hurt but it does start to feel uncomfortable after a while. My leg just isn’t used to this anymore. Hange rounds the car and steps in behind the wheel.

“I’m glad too” I finally respond. She gives me a happy grin and starts the engine. She drives us to a small café, where – according to her – the best coffee ever is served. I don’t really care, I prefer tea anyway. I step out of the car when we reach the small shop as Hange gets my crutches. Together we walk into the cosy looking café.

People are staring. This is the first thing that I notice as I look around. Hange mutters to me to grab us a table and respond with a curt nod. I stumble towards the table next to a wall and almost closed off from the other people inside. Their eyes follow me, or more the missing leg, towards the table. I frown deeply while plopping into my seat.

“People have no respect” Hange grumbles, placing my tea in front of me and loudly huffing while plopping down into the booth. I nod absentmindedly and hide my prosthetic under the table, where it is less visible. After maybe a minute or two of me glaring at the table in embarrassment and anger Hange speaks up.

“Stop staring you creepy fuck! He served our fucking country, the least you could do is pay some goddamn respect and stop staring!” She practically yells at some 40 year old business man, drawing the attention of the whole café.

The man significantly pales at the words and mutters a ‘sorry’. He then closes his laptop and I don’t think I have ever seen someone get out of a calm café that fast before.

Hange sighs happily and I shift my glare from the table to her. “You should’ve left him alone” I grumble, rubbing my face. “No, he should pay some respect. You have fought for this shithole of a country for seven years before almost dying when you got back from war. People should pay some respect and pray to your fucking shrine”

I sigh and take a sip from my cup, refusing to answer her. Maybe she’s right, but I don’t think _I_ should receive the respect, the other war survivors from the army most definitely should though.

After five minutes in comfortable silence that I can only achieve with Erwin, Hange… and Eren, I blurt out the thing that has been on my mind since it happened.

“Eren kissed me”

Hanges’ mouth falls open, her eyes do that weird thing that makes her look like a mad scientist and then she squeals. I cover my ears and glare at the woman. “Not so fucking loud, shitty glasses” That doesn’t seem to stop her though, her mouth closes only to break out in a huge and terrifying grin. “My munchkin got his first kiss!” She then practically yells. I launch across the table with red cheeks and try to shut her up. The only thing that happens is that I have a wet hand covered in germs and Hange just tasted my hand on her tongue.

“Fucking gross” I mutter, cleaning my hand as well as I can with a napkin and cringing. “This is too adorable! He is your first kiss though, right? Because the seventeen year old Levi that left to join the army has certainly never kissed anyone before” Hange leans forward on her elbows, grinning up at me and making my scowl deepen.

“Yeah he was my first kiss” I mutter, cheeks reddening again as I think back at the warm lips. “But it doesn’t even mean anything. I freaked out because of the thunder and he tried to calm me down, failed several times and then kissed me, which indeed calmed me down.” I finish in one breath, my eyes looking into Hange’s, looking for a sign that maybe it did mean something. My heart hoped to god it meant something.

Hanges’ expression drops when I tell her that I freaked out and went full panic but when she notices the doubt in my eyes she’s quickly back to her old self. “How long did it last? Did he kiss you and pulled away right when he noticed you calmed down? Or did it continue after that?” She wiggles her eyebrows and licks her lips, making her look stupid but also kind of funny, which I would never admit of course.

“It continued for maybe a minute or two, I can’t really remember” I mumble, scratching my nose and watching Hanges’ brain rattle with excitement. “You can’t remember because you were walking on clouds right? Because the kiss was so good you lost track of time? Right? Right?” She says, the words tumbling out of her mouth, making me think about the correct formation of them. When I did decode her words though I flush. It did feel rather good, really good even.

Hange takes the reddening of my cheeks as an answer and throws her hands in the air. She taps the tips of her feet on the floor in a fast rhythm, her excitement is so big that not a single sound comes out of her open mouth. “this is too cute, this is too cute” She mumbles as a mantra when she calms down enough to make some sound.

“you totally have a crush on him” She states, making me pale and flush at the same time, is that even possible?

Do I have a crush on him? I have had crushes before but those are so long ago that I can’t remember what it felt like. Maybe it did feel like this. The thought of me having a crush on a 21 year old college student who probably hates being tied down by an older, handicapped man who has violent nightmares makes dread drop into my stomach.

There is no way someone as lively as Eren would want to be with someone as dark and done with life as me.

“No I don’t” I choke out, suddenly feeling the urge to throw up, run out of this café and die all at the same time. Hange’s smile droops a bit at my expression. I take another sip of my tea. “Eren does seem to have an interest into you though, when I was over for diner the other day he kept looking at you, in a different way than he looks at Mikasa.” Her voice is a lot lower in volume now and I appreciate it.

“Someone like Eren would never look at someone like me that way” I state, leaving no room for discussion. Leave it to Hange to find a loophole though. “Someone like Eren would be lucky to look at someone like you that way, Levi. Don’t doubt yourself munchkin. Your humour is great, you’re hot, you have those cute little quirks you do, you’re smart, experienced in life, you’re kind when someone doesn’t piss you off as much, you’re absolutely great with little kids! There are so many things to like about you, Levi. Some things that you may not see but someone like Eren could point out easily.” Hange has taken hold of my wounded hand during her small speech, squeezing it and actually managing to make me feel a bit better.

“How about you try to figure out what you do and don’t like about Eren. Then we’ll talk some more, okay?” She smiles kindly at me, her enthusiasm calmed down and I’m grateful for that. She doesn’t demand as much attention like this. I give her a small smile and nod.

 

 

It turns out that was easier said than done. When I started paying attention to everything Eren did and said I quickly figured out that there isn’t anything that I didn’t like.

When he tells a funny story he can’t contain his laughter before the punch line and has to wait for two minutes to laugh it off before continuing his story. When he laughs he usually holds his belly in one hand and covers his smile with the other. His smile brings small lines onto his cheeks and next to his eyes. His eyes light up when he laughs.

His eyes became my favourite colour and I can’t figure out when it did. His clothes are mostly black but his bright personality compromises and makes him look brighter than anything I have ever seen.

When he’s concentrated on either studying or chopping up some vegetables for Mai he sticks the tip of his tongue out on the side of his mouth. His lips are slightly plump, his bottom lip usually plumper after he releases it from between his teeth. They are also slightly pink, a perfect contrast to his tan skin and brown hair.

He snores a little bit when laying on his stomach. It’s not like I watch him sleep or anything, but when I wake up in cold sweat and put on my prosthetic to get some warm milk or tea I can’t help but stare for a minute or two. His bed head is the most weird and obnoxiously cute thing I have ever seen and it makes me want to run my fingers through the brown strands.

He also sleeps in a t-shirt and boxer shorts, which I noticed on a night when I went out of bed again and his blanket was thrown from his body. He has an incredibly nice butt, which did made me stare for two minutes.

And even though he drools a little bit on his pillow while asleep I can’t help but have a crush on him. I’m totally fucked.


	8. Chapter Eight

Eren has freckles. Small spots on his nose and cheekbones that are just a little more brow that the rest of his skin. When the light above the dining table hits his face just right, and he looks down to play with his food I can see them. I bet you can also see them in the sun but I haven’t been outside since that small trip from the airplane from Afghanistan to the hospital and from the hospital to my new home. The small spots make me wonder where on his body they can be found too.

His stomach? Legs? My sight shifts to his arms, where the same spots are on his upper arm and shoulders. It’s mesmerizing and as cliché as it sounds it makes me think of the stars. The stars that shone so bright in the Afghanistan sky on a peaceful night when Erwin and I went on a walk around the barracks. Erwin used to tell me all about the constellations and I think I can see Orion on Eren’s skin. It’s hypnotising.

“Is there something on my face?”

Erens’ voice snaps me out of my strangely poetic thoughts. My mouth drops open in search of some kind of answer but instead one word splutters from my lips. “freckles” I mutter, my eyes still taking in the brown spots. Right now the light hits his face even better. He has some freckles on his forehead too, not as many as on his cheeks though and they’re barely darker than the rest of his skin. Next to me Hange bursts out laughing, slapping her hand on my shoulder. She nearly drops her head in her food when she moves to clutch at her stomach.

“That was the smoothest thing that has ever come out of that sweet mouth of yours, little gremlin” She wipes away a stray tear and smiles broadly at my heated face. “Shut up” I mutter, taking a huge bite of the food in front of me. I haven’t touched it since I noticed the freckles. The food is cold now. My sight shifts across the table, to see Eren doing the same as me with equally red cheeks.

Mikasa grumbles something under her breath and huffs, Mai then gasps and tells her daughter to mind her language, which in turn makes Hange’s giggle storm flare up. “You’re a fucking pain in the ass, glasses” I mumble at my friend. She giggles once again, making me sigh, and sticks out her tongue. “I know, baby, I’m here to keep you on your small toes” She leans forward to press a kiss to my forehead but I lean away from her with a scowl. “don’t fucking touch me” I mumble, my bottom lip sticking out a little.

“Hange? Can I ask you something?” Eren speaks up, making Hange turn her disgusting mouth away from me to answer Eren with a nod. “Just how small are his toes?” Eren asks with a small smirk, the blush is gone as we switch the subject from his freckles to my toes. “Bigger than his dick, that’s for sure” Hange says with a mouth full of food. “Hange!” I gasp, she just laughs with her mouth closed and Eren joins her. “Mind the language please” Mai asks politely, shaking her head at the three of us. Mikasa seems tuned out and just stares at her food as she picks at it.

“No but really, Eren dear, you’d have to see for yourself” glasses says with a wink. Eren chuckles, and smiles broadly before nodding. “Stop talking about my fucking toes” my mumble goes unheard as Hange gives Eren a very vivid explanation of my foot anyway.

 

 

Not long after diner Hange has to go home to feed her four cats. I remember her sending me a picture with one of her five pages long letter a few years back, the picture was one of her and a cat, a black one, that was sitting on her face. Even though the most nasty part of a cat was pressed against her face she had this huge grin on her face. I still have the picture, at the time her stupid face and her stupid cat made my shitty days.

Mikasa and Mai also left to go to the movies. Another girls’ night. I don’t blame them and to be honest I’m glad there is a potential for the house to be quiet for the evening.

I just returned from the bathroom where I took a very satisfying piss. The fact that it was satisfying was because it wasn’t somewhere in a nasty bucket, or corner, but in a clean toilet and standing up. Since I lost my leg I haven’t been able to take a piss standing up and that did more pain that I would’ve imagined. I’m also really glad that I’m getting better with this prosthetic. Today has been the first day when I have been able to walk with the prosthetic and without crutches. I still have to balance myself on furniture but it keeps getting better.

I walk out of the bathroom Eren is sitting on the couch. His eyes are fixed on the tv, which is turned off. He seems in deep thought. When I walk into the living room and plop down next to him he looks up. I pout internally when I notice that this shitty lighting makes it impossible for me to be looking at his freckles. We look at each other for a few seconds before I turn away.

“I invited my friend Armin over, he’s very nice so I figured you wouldn’t mind”

I look up at Eren again and nod, not knowing what else to say. Maybe I hoped we would be alone tonight. Eren smiles at me before turning on the television. “We’re going to play on the PlayStation so I hope you won’t mind my cursing when I lose again” Eren chuckles while skipping through several channels. I nod again.

After a long day of having my prosthetic on I can feel the freshly healed skin of my leg starting to get irritated. The bandages around my stump have been removed two days ago by Mikasa and my leg is healed enough for me to not need it anymore. Instead of the bandages I wear a special sock made out of a thick fabric for support. The support is great but it also gives my skin the feeling that it can’t breathe. That’s why I take off my prosthetic, placing it on the floor next to the couch. Then I take the support ‘sock’ off. I sigh when the thick fabric leaves my skin, which is slightly red from the strain.

While I softly rub the sensitive skin there I can feel Eren’s eyes on me. my finger glides over the numerous scars on my stump. It has healed but not very pretty because of the infection. Maybe also because when I lost my leg it looked like someone had ripped it off.

“Does it hurt?” Eren barely whispers. I look up at him and shake my head. “Just a little irritated, nothing new” Eren nods, his eyes flickering between my leg and eyes. “do you remember how it happened? You don’t have to tell me, but I would like to know if you remember” Erens’ hand closes around my wounded one. I stare at the contact for a moment before shaking my head. “I-I don’t know.” I mutter, my eyebrows furrowing. Why don’t I remember?

I can hear Eren taking a breath to ask something else but the doorbell rings. His head snaps up to the front door before letting go of my hand, which lays in the middle of the couch now, colder than before. The brunet stands up and pads to the front door. I return my attention to the television while trying really hard to remember how I lost such a big part of my body.

“Levi?” Erens’ voice makes me look up. This situation makes me think about when I met Eren. Except Mikasa has turned into Eren and Eren into a small, blonde kid. The blond smiles at me and extends his hand for me to shake. I take the hand into mine before nodding at him. “My name’s  Armin, nice to meet you, sir” He smiles his straight, white teeth naked and I can’t help but slightly smile back.

“You can call me Levi, kid. I’m not a ‘sir’ anymore and only a few years older than you” I return my gaze to the television when Armin nods. He then walks around the couch to take a seat on the lounge chair on my left while Eren plops down on his previous spot on my right.

Eren softly taps my shoulder while Armin turns on the PlayStation. I look at the brunet, who looks worried. His brows are furrowed. “do you need your ointment for that?” his plush lips ask, while his head nods to my stump. I forget to answer when the television screen goes to white. The light that fills the room lands perfectly on his face making his eyes look brighter and those damn freckles are back. My eyes follow and try to connect the dots. Eren asks me something else too but I’m distracted and can’t follow the sounds.

My right hands seems to lift itself and before I know it my forefinger presses softly at his cheek. The flesh is soft while I trace some freckles. A bigger hand grasps my wrist then softly. “I’ll go get you that ointment and some aspirin, you look like you’re burning up” His warm hand leaves my wrist and I snap out of it when Eren stands up and walks to the kitchen. I turn myself forward again and frown at the television, that is now showing the loading screen to the infamous Mario Kart. Then my eyes flicker to clear blue ones.

Something hits me in the gut when I look into those. They remind me of someone. The same calculating, clear, blue, investigating eyes as Erwins’. But now they’re placed in the head of this small kid with a lanky body and bad hair. Armin nods to himself before turning back to the PlayStation and yelling at Eren to hurry up.

A loud chuckle can be heard from the kitchen and not long after that Eren returns with a glass of water, some aspirin and the ointment. I take the items from him and swallow the aspirin quickly, trying to play off the redness of my face as a slight fever.

I open the ointment and put some in my left hand, close it again and warm the grey-ish stuff up. “Do you need help?” I frown up at Eren, who was just in the middle of picking Bowser – the worse decision of his life – when he asks me this question. I shake my head before cocking it. “I’m not a fucking baby giraffe, I can do shit on my own, Bright Eyes” The nickname slides from my lips so automatically that I don’t even question it. Armin bursts out in chuckles and even Eren has to smile. “I’m sorry and I know that. I just can’t help offering” he sticks out his pink tongue towards me before winking, making me look away.

After watching Eren fail with his reckless driving while Armin uses some fancy ass tactics that I didn’t even know were possible on Mario Kart I give up. “Give me that you little baby” I grasp the controller from a pouting Eren and choose Yoshi. “I knew you’d pick him, he’s just as small as you” Eren giggles on the left of me, even Armin has the audacity to chuckle. “bastard” I grumble mockingly, swatting Erens’ shoulder. Armin starts the game and we’re off.

In the first round I am the victim of Armins’ tactics but since my brain has been wired to remember patterns at military school I quickly learn what he is trying to do, resulting in me winning. I throw up my arms in triumph and smirk at the pouting blond. “I have one leg, eight fingers and one eye and I’d still kick your fucking ass at this game” I tell Eren, sticking my tongue out at him like the mature person I am.

Eren chuckles, “The fact that you miss some limbs has nothing to do with Mario Kart. But well done, Yoshi”


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the smut train... chu chuu~

My mind wonders from green eyes to freckles and back while I’m lying on my back in my bed. When I close my eyes I can see the eyes glooming over me. A soft look of adoration in his eyes as brown locks fall down over his forehead. His bright smile that seems to warm up my insides. Then the eyes turn predatory, and the smile morphs into a smirk. More warmth, but in my belly now.

Sighing softly I pull my arms underneath the duvet. When I close my eyes again I can feel the kiss pressed against my lips. it’s soft but something inside me makes me wonder what it’ll be like to feel those lips again, just more feverish and desperate. More warmth as I wonder how hot his mouth would be, how slick his tongue as it delves inside my mouth, forcing me to loosen my jaw.

My breathing gets more laboured as I imagine big hands, grasping my sides before rubbing at them. Unconsciously my hands do the same, making the illusion more believable. I hum as my pyjama pants slowly get tighter the more I rub at my skin. I think about that tongue again, leaving my mouth to suck at the soft skin of my neck.

What would he look like with those plump lips wrapped around me?

A small moan leaves my lips at that thought. He would look fucking wonderful. Those big eyes innocently looking up while sucking my cock, his bigger hands coming up to feel my stomach and chest. One of my hands move from my stomach to rub myself over the soft fabric of my pyjama pants. The friction makes my breath hitch as I rub the tips of my fingers over the side of my cock. Even though my hands are cold and I’m sure his are warm I can imagine Eren biting his lip as he does these things to me. watching me fall apart underneath his fingers and gaze.

What would it feel like to wrap my lips around him?

My mind gives me a hazy image of Eren with red cheeks and a wrecked expression. He looks blissed out and even though I’m sure I will never be that good at giving a blowjob I would love to make him feel that way. my breathing turns ragged as I slip my hand underneath the fabric and softly grasp my hard cock. It’s warm and heavy in my hand as I close my hand tighter around my flesh.

Small sparks of pleasure tingles my body as I move my hand. Tugging at my foreskin and pressing it down before rubbing my thumb over my slit. Just the way I like it. The thought of Eren’s naked body fills my mind then, his tan skin exposed and flushed with arousal. I slip two fingers of my other hand into my mouth to stifle my small moans.

When I start sucking on my own digits I image Eren’s dick in my mouth, and somehow the thought really gets me going. Me on my knees in front of him, mouth open and tugging at my own cock as Eren just watches me sucking him off. He’d push his hair out of his face as he pants. His hand would come down into my hair as he pushes my face towards the small trail of hair on his pelvis.

A louder moan escapes my lips and I quickly press them tightly together. Eren is still on the couch in the living room. The thought that he might catch me doing this to myself makes my stomach flutter as I arch my back.

Sinful images floods my mind as I keep rubbing and tugging at myself. My cheeks feel warm as I slip my hand from my mouth and roll over. I have never done this to myself before but I must know how it feels. I want to get a taste of what it would feel like with Eren inside of me. my hips slowly rut into my mattress, the friction feels undeniably good as my soft, silky pyjama bottoms rub over my sensitive flesh.

My breath huffs some hair out of my face as it hits the pillow below my head. I grasp at my pillow, forgetting my plan for now, in favour of rutting myself to completeness. My fingers curl into the white fabric as I whimper, I haven’t felt this good in a long ass time. “Eren, god please Eren” I moan, my voice sounds breathless as I imagine Eren’s cock between my cheeks, rutting himself in between while all I can do is stay still and let him enjoy himself. I imagine the dirty words he’d speak to me as he nears the edge.

My hips stutter out of rhythm as another broken sound that sounds an awful lot like ‘Eren’ leaves my mouth. My eyes close and my jaw goes slack as I can feel myself getting right there on the edge. “P-please, Eren” I whimper, my brows furrowing and my mouth hangs open as my loudest moan yet leaves my lips. then there’s only bliss. My skin tingles and I can feel my brain shutting off for a minute.

My hips stutter me through my orgasm as I feel like I’m on cloud nine. I forgot how fucking good it felt to come. My whole body goes slack as I pant. As I come down from my high I feel sticky. I sit up on my knees and balance myself with one hand as I scowl down on my pyjama pants.

After the whole high has worked off I curse myself from not thinking this through. I’d make too much sound if I put on my prosthetic and take a shower or something so I’ll just have to do that tomorrow morning. For now I wiggle out of my pyjama pants and clean myself with the tissues on the nightstand. Then I cover myself with the duvet again to fall asleep.

Sighing heavily I turn around on my back. Was it disgusting what I just did? I mean, masturbating is pretty normal and I know that, but thinking about a man that probably wouldn’t look at me _that_ way is, in fact, disgusting. My whole mood takes a 180 degrees turn right then.

Eren would never want me the way I want him. Eren deserves someone way better than me. someone who isn’t damaged and missing a leg, fingers and sight with one eye. He deserves someone full of life that can take him anywhere he wants. He deserves someone who hasn’t killed anyone, done people harm and isn’t mentally damaged beyond repair. He deserves happiness and someone who can give that to him without any problems.

I’m sorry Hange, but I can’t be that someone to Eren, no matter what you say…

 

 

I haven’t really looked at myself in the mirror yet. I have however, done my hair while standing in front of the damn thing but never _really_ looked at myself. Somehow I was scared that if I looked at it, it would become real. The fact that my eye looks completely white becomes real. The fact that the substance that those people dripped into my eye fucked up my ability to grow eyelashes on my right eye. The fact that the skin around my eye, especially underneath my eye where they spilled some onto my skin, is a bright pink and will never be the same pale skin as the rest of my body ever again. It will all become real and I wasn’t ready for that.

This morning I decided that I was ready though. So here I am, standing in front of the mirror and leaning on the porcelain sink in front of it. I raise my right hand without a thought and touch the red skin around my damaged eye. I move the tips of my fingers around the edges and feel no eyelashes. Where my grey iris was before I lost my sight is now completely white, except for my pupil, which is a light grey but completely glassed over.

I have never even thought that I may be hot or beautiful, whatever Hange may say, but I am completely certain that I’m a sore to the eye right now. Who would ever look and me and think of me as hot? Who would ever look at me and the first thought in their head isn’t that I look scary as hell. The children that Hange and I saw on our way back from the café that day were scared of me. They pointed and I even heard some of them whisper about my scary eye and prosthetic. Hange just tugged me along forcefully on my hand.

I drop my hand down in defeat and sigh heavily.

Kids have never looked scared of me before. Not even the children that we saved back in Afghanistan. We were walking there with our big guns and camouflage and they were practically cheering when they saw the American flag on our shoulders.

I remember such an rescue operation from three years ago. The whole mission went well and we were able to capture back a small and practically destroyed village. I was happy that we were able to free those few people still living there and especially when we found out most of them were kids taking refuge here after they lost their parents. They were all huddled up in a big building, holding each other while the bigger kids, teenagers, were shushing them. Erwin and I both stepped inside, my squad on our heels.

Then they saw us, the disbelief in their small and dirty faces was great before the tears started flowing. Babies that were also there started crying because of all the noise the other children made. At first I thought we scared them, but soon it became clear that they were crying of happiness, of relief, that it was over for them. Then the hugs came. Small children, maybe five or six years old, were suddenly clinging to our boots and pants, grasping at our clothes and hugging us. Petra was the first one to pick a child up, her tears were flowing freely over her cheeks as the small kid wrapped his arms around her neck. I smiled at her, tears also gathering in my eyes because this, this is why I loved being in the army.

The small girl that was clinging to my boots was lifted into my arms, she was missing a foot and several fingers from the war but that didn’t stop her from almost crushing my neck in a hug. I carried her back to the small busses of the red cross that were contacted as soon as we saw the kids. Even though I couldn’t exactly feel her tears through my thick jacket I did feel the weight of them. I carried her weight into the bus but before I could pull away to carry more children to safety and food she clasped my face between her stump and thin fingers. I let my face be pulled to her puckered lips and she kissed my forehead before whispering _‘shukraan’_.

I smile at my reflection as I remember the small contact against my forehead. That was a good day, which was extremely rare. I wonder what happened to those kids and if they were handled well by the people of the red cross. They probably were.

Suddenly I feel okay about looking like this. There was a good day like that one a week before we were captured. What if I wasn’t there to help those pregnant ladies and elder women with the children they took care of. Would they be freed by us if I wasn’t there? It’s okay if I look like this, I can handle this and live with it. I won’t be able to live with the knowledge that I could’ve saved those people but was too selfish about my appearance to do so.

I nod to myself before bowing down to grab my meds from the cabinet, I quickly swallow the three pills with water before walking out of the bathroom and into the living room.

Eren is sitting there in all his glory biting his bottom lip. He looks up at me from his phone before sighing of relief. “I have been bored out of my mind and Mikasa is studying” He says exasperated, throwing his head back against the couch and splaying his arms out to the sides. I chuckle softly and Erens head whips up at the sound, making me play it off as a cough. Then Eren jumps up from the couch and bounds towards me, making me flinch back slightly. “Oh shit, sorry… anyway do you want to go get ice cream? I know this really good place near the park and we can take a walk after” His hands are crossed behind his head as he grins down at me.

The corners of my lips twitch upwards at the thought of spending the afternoon getting ice cream with Eren. The last time I did something like that has been with Hange when I told her I was going to leave for the Army. “I’d like that. Okay” I mutter, watching as Erens’ grin widens, he turns around and throws me my jacket before putting his own on. “Then let’s go, Levi”


	10. Chapter Ten

The weather is warm today. The sun shines bright from above, indicating that it’s only one o’clock for the trained army eye. Eren’s heavier footsteps thud against the pavement as we walk, where to I wouldn’t know but I let him lead the way. when I look up at his face I can see him concentrating on his shoes, or the pavement underneath them, I wouldn’t know. His brown hair flutters with each step he takes and when a slight breeze comes by. His hand comes up to tug a strand of hair behind his ear, revealing a piercing I didn’t know about. I look away from his face to the empty street in front of us.

“What kind of ice cream do you like?” His shoulder bumps against mine as he asks me this and I turn my head to look at him again. I shrug before giving him a sheepish smile. “I haven’t had ice cream in a while. When I was younger I used to love stracciatella though.” He smiles back at me, that bright fucking smile that makes my heart thud a little bit faster. I nod awkwardly before turning back to the road.

“After we get the ice cream, would you like to go to the park with me? we could sit on a bench or something.” Eren asks, his vice a bit wobbly, making me wonder why he acts a bit nervous. Someone like that shouldn’t be nervous around me. “Sure” Is my short reply, once again making a smile erupt on that beautiful face, which in turn makes the corners of my mouth tug upwards.

“Here it is” Eren mumbles once we reach a very old school looking and small building. Eren walks in front of me and goes inside while I’m rooted tot the pavement. There is a big sign above the door and the bright red letters on the white wood make my heart drop. My hands get clammy and I can feel myself starting to breathe faster and faster.

She has once told me that her mom runs a small ice cream parlour, her caramel eyes were bright as she told me about her mom’s ambitions, her aspirations, to show the town she lived in what good ice cream was. I promised her we would get some ice cream together once we get back. She then started to cry, which I could hear through the walls of the cells that we were stuck in.

The sign reads; Ral’s.

The happy tinkling of the small bell above the door goes again but I don’t look down. I don’t have to to know that Eren is looking at me with a concerned expression. “Levi?” His soft voice calls, my eye shift to his quickly before darting back to the sign. “We can go somewhere else if you want to?” His warm hands are on my shoulders now, his head barely blocking out the bright red lettering. I shake my head, feeling a bit lightheaded before it gets tugged into a frim chest, strong arms wrapping around me.

“I’m fine, let’s get that ice cream you wanted” I mutter against his black shirt, my arms hanging limply next to my body. “Okay” Is whispered into my hair before the warmth disappears.  I look up at Eren, who’s standing in the opening of the door holding it open for me. “thanks” I whisper, walking past him and into the lovely shop.

“Hello dear, are you okay?” I snap my head up from looking at all the different colours ice cream to the older lady behind the counter. Caramel eyes look into mine and the first thing I notice is that they’re just as bright as Petra’s. “I’m okay” I mutter, damning myself for not getting it together. Eren comes to stand next to me, his shoulder pressed against mine, making me aware of his presence and giving me comfort.

“That’s good, now what would you two fine gentlemen like?” her smile is so warm as she adjusts the cap perched on her head, her hair grey but with the same texture as Petra’s. “Two stracciatella please” Eren’s bright voice rings in my ears. “sure thing, love” Her gaze lingers a bit on my face before she frowns and goes to work.

“Do I know you from anywhere, young man?” She asks, a crease forming between the woman’s eyebrows as she hands us our ice cream. I give her a small smile and nod towards the picture behind her back that I noticed a minute before.

The whole squad is one there and I remember the day we took that. I was just promoted to Colonel, my new uniform had just arrived and when I put it on Petra demanded for a picture with her colleagues. Petra has this sweet smile grazing her lips, Gunther looks really cranky which meant he had just woken up, Eld didn’t look at the camera but preferred to look at his friends right by his side, Aururo who was standing next to Petra and just looked at her lovingly, the warmth that he held for the woman as clear as day in his eyes. We all loved that picture and apparently Petra send her copy to her parents. I still have mine on my nightstand.

The elder lady gasps slightly before turning around and taking the picture from the wall. “Colonel Ackerman, it says so on the back.” Her caramel coloured eyes fill with tears as she clutches the picture to her chest. “Please, come here my love” She walks around the counter before promptly pulling me into a hug, squishing my face into her chest. When she pulls back and stops with frantically rubbing at her eyes she smiles at me. “I’m so glad to finally meet you, Petra always talked so highly of you.”

I give her a tight-lipped smile since that’s all that I can muster right now. Luckily Eren seems to sense my inability to form words right now since I feel his arm draping over my shoulders, relaxing me a bit. “I didn’t know you knew Levi” He chuckles and flashes his warm smile at Mrs Ral, who seems to respond I the same way. “Colonel, I’m glad to see that you’re okay” Mrs Ral says, squeezing my shoulder before smiling warmly. “Me too” I murmur, leaning into the warmth that is Eren a bit. “Now, Eren, take good care of him yeah? My daughter was very fond of this man and if you hurt him I’ll ban you from the shop” She chastises him with a smirk tugging on her lips as Eren sputters.

“I-I won’t! Please don’t ban me! I love it here” He says frantically, his arm tightening around my shoulder, making me lean into him even more, my hand lifting up to his chest to keep my balance. Not because I wanted to feel him up. No way. “Good, good. And keep an eye on this one, colonel, he used to get into trouble a lot as a child and the only remedy to his boo-boo’s was my ice cream” Mrs Ral laughs at Eren’s red face before turning back towards her counter. “The ice cream is on me, enjoy. And I hope I’ll see you again soon, Colonel” Her smile is warm as she waves us goodbye, Eren leading me on my wobble-y legs out of the door and towards the park without a word between us.

“I’ve seen her daughter a couple of times. When she came back from the base for a vacation or something. She’s really nice” Eren says when we settle on a bench In the park. I nod and give him a small smile. “Why didn’t you come back from the base when you weren’t at war?” He asks slowly, as if he’s walking on ice. And I suppose he is. “You could choose between going home to your family or staying at the base. I chose the latter since I felt like I didn’t have any family left when my mother passed” He catches my gaze as I finish the sentence.

“You may have felt like that but Mikasa and Mai were right here. Maybe you would’ve met me years ago if you came here for your vacations” he sounds hopeful, maybe even a little mournful and I wonder why. I can’t wonder for long as Eren had already opened his mouth again, his ice cream totally finished by now. “Mikasa has told me about you before, about what you meant to her and what you were like. I think she wanted it out of her system, how much she has missed you, but hearing her talk like that made me wonder what you would be like in real life. I couldn’t know for sure obviously, but I kind of produced a huge crush on the person I made up in my mind” Eren stops talking to take a deep breath. He doesn’t notice my heart hammering in my chest. My clammy hands gripping at my pants and my foot shaking a little. “Let me guess, this version is horrible compared to what you made up” I ask through gritted teeth, preparing myself for the heartbreak that will follow because Eren wants a better version of me. Eren made someone up, someone with the same name as me and fell in love with them. Only to find out the real version is a horrible, grumpy and jumpy old man with war traumas.

“No, no way. the real you is so much better. So much more real than whatever the hell I made up.” Eren twists in his seat, grips my hand in his and smiles, easing my mind. “Really?” I ask, unbelieving still. The brunet nods before opening his mouth to speak. “I had a crush on the version I made up, yeah, but when I really met you I got to see how extraordinary you are when you’re, _you._ I kind of wanted to take a walk with you to get out of the house and maybe confess something. So here goes nothing” He chuckles a breathy laugh before looking up at me.

Our eyes lock and he smiles again, warming my chest and allowing the corners of my lips turn up. “I fell for you. Hard. I haven’t known you for so long but I know how I feel and I feel like I can say anything to you, be anything and still get accepted. I want to be with you, Levi” His small speech ends in a whisper while hopeful green eyes peer up into my grey ones. If I thought my heart was beating fast before I was wrong. It’s definitely trying to slam out of my chest right now.

“I also have a confession” My voice is breathy and wobbly and I say this. I can feel my hands shaking slightly and growing warmer the longer Eren is holding them. His smile is small but his eyes are big and hopeful as he eggs me on to confess. “That was my first kiss” I whisper, swallowing thickly as a big smile forms on Eren’s face. “really? I wouldn’t have guessed that, with you being fucking hot and all, but I’m glad I got to do that. Even when the circumstances weren’t ideal.” One of his hands come up to rest against my cheek and I unconsciously lean into the warm touch.

“Maybe you could be my second kiss too?” I whisper, already seeing him lean forward slowly. He nods while catching his bottom lip between his teeth. He releases the pink flesh and breathes out, his warm breath fanning over the bottom half of my face. “Only if I can give you a million more after that” His words are whispered against my lips and I nod. “Please” I breathe before feeling his lips press to mine.

It’s nothing like the last time. Last time was unexpected and ultimately to calm me down. This time the kiss started soft, searching and when I gave in to the feeling of his lips against mine he grew bolder, pressing more firmly and taking my breath away. When he pulls back slightly, only to whisper my name softly against my lips I let out a embarrassing soft whine. He growls softly before he presses his tongue into my mouth. The feeling is weird and foreign but when I remember myself that this is _Eren_ , maybe now even _My_ Eren overpowers that feeling. A hand crawls onto my thigh before softly squeezing, making my breath hitch.

“You want to go home? I don’t think the girls are back yet. This park isn’t a good place for me to show you what I want to do with you” Eren breathes against my lips, puffs of hot air being exchanged between us. “Yes” I whisper back, pecking his lips again before standing up from the bench. He smirks up at me before softly grasping my hand and tugging me along.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3000 words of smut because I can't write these two having short sex. enjoy ;)   
> (Also, i haven't checked this for any mistakes so just ignore those)

Eren’s hand is warm against mine, his fingers are longer and his palms are bigger than mine and for some reason that makes me feel safe. I feel like a complete sap admitting that even to myself but I can’t deny that warm feeling of safety that I have right now. My mind is still with the kiss on the bench from before. Kisses are very different when you expect and welcome them wholeheartedly. When you both want it so much that your heart starts to quicken and your breathing picks up. I don’t know if Eren felt the same way when we kissed but I hope he did.

My fake foot clanks against the pavement, a muffled thud of my other foot following it as we walk home. My right hand is in Eren’s and my left is clutching my shirt tightly, once a minute trying to rub the clammy feeling off of them against the fabric. My vision shifts toward Eren then, his calm face adorned by a sweet small smile as he looks forward. His jaw is prominent against the sun and his hair seems to glow from where the sun hits it. He looks beautiful like this. Content.

A giddy feeling forms in my stomach when I think that maybe, just maybe he looks so content because of me. I bite my bottom lip to bite back a smile and look down, following my steps on the pavement with my limited vision.

After another minute of comfortable silence Eren stops walking, softly tugging on my hand to stop my legs form moving too. I stand in front of him and look up at his face expectantly. His eyes focus on my only working eye before leaning forward and catching my left hand in his too. “I have to know for sure before we get home, Levi. Do you want this?” He asks softly, taking a small step forward to stand closer to me. I have to crane my neck up to look at him now as I nod. Yes I do want this. I want this spark of happiness that I haven’t felt in such a long fucking time and I can’t want to feel it again. Even if it is just for a little while, or until Eren is done with me.

“Please say it out loud, I need to hear it. Do you want this? Do you like me enough to try this with me?” His right hand leaves mine to cup my cheek and I lean into the touch. “I want this. And I like you, Eren.” My voice is soft, maybe softer than it has ever been but it makes Eren smile like he’s on top of the world so I don’t mind. “Can I kiss you again?” he then murmurs, eyes already flickering to my lips. I nod again and he dips forward, pressing his lips against mine with such softness and gentleness that it makes my knees buckle as I fall forward a bit, pressing the hand Eren isn’t holding against his chest. There is no tongue, just soft lips brushing against each other as my hand moves up into his hair, grasping the shorter lock at his nape tightly and to keep him right there with me.

His hand drops form my cheek to grasp at my hips, pressing me into him even more than before. Being with him like this, pressed against each other with nothing in between us except our clothes feels amazing. Like this is how it’s supposed to be. “I want to take you to bed with me, Levi. Will you let me?” his words are murmured into my mouth and I don’t know how fast I can nod. This feels so right, I won’t regret my first time with him. Never. Eren then abruptly pulls back, our lips separating with a little bit of sounds. He smiles down at me before I drop my head onto his chest. “Actually, I’d like to take you to your own bed since I sleep on the couch.” We both chuckle at that before moving away from each other to start walking again. I can’t wait to get home for the first time in a long time.

I expected to be pressed against the closed door as soon as we’re inside but I’m not. Eren is still holding my hand as he checks the kitchen for anyone. No one is there but there is a pink sticky-note pressed against the fridge stating that Mikasa is out with a friend. Eren turns to me then and places both hands on my waist, squeezing me softly. “I have thought about kissing you ever since that night we had tea together” Eren doesn’t mention the fact that I had completely freaked out and was half naked at the time but neither do I.

“you looked so good and precious when you were wearing my sweater. I don’t know if you’d noticed but I had a hard time keeping myself from just looking and drinking tea.” His whispered words make me dizzy as I remember what the sweater smelled like. Exactly like how he smells when I pressed my nose into his chest earlier. Fingertips tip my head up so Eren can press his lips against mine again. His lips are so soft but also a tad demanding as he coaxes my mouth open with his fingers still on my chin. I let him in with a small gasp and wrap my arms around his neck, pressing him closer.

“Hold on” is the only clue I get before I’m lifted onto the counter with Eren in between my legs. His lips don’t leave mine as he presses closer, fingers twitching against my hips as we kiss. One hand goes up into his hair as the other dips into his shirt from the back, feeling his warm and strong upper back.

Our lips part for a few seconds of catching our breath before his hands are underneath my shirt, feeling my stomach. I have never noticed before but the starvation I experienced and long period of not training because of my inability to has made almost all of my muscles disappear. My stomach just smooth skin and rough scars at this point. I makes me self-conscious and before I know it I push his hand away from my shirt. I whine softly when Eren pulls back to look at my face before I open my eyes to look at him.

“I’m sorry, is that too far?” He whispers, brushing strands of hair away from my face. I shake my head slightly before sighing. “MY body isn’t what it used to be and I’m afraid you’ll think I’m ugly” I whisper back, pressing my forehead into his neck and breathing in deeply. Eren sighs softly, rubbing my back with both hands before coaxing me backward to look at him again. “Nothing could make you ugly in my eyes. All I can think about is how in the hell did I manage to convince someone like you into kissing me back” I roll my eye at him before pressing my lisp against his. How in the hell did he know what to say?

“Take it off” I mutter against his lips and Eren does, exposing my upper body to him before I tug at his shirt to take it off too. I lick my lips when his torso comes into view, beautiful natural tan skin revealed from underneath his shirt and I can’t help to touch him, and he touches me back.

Hands start to roam over upper bodies and gasps fall more frequently between our lips as we separate, but never for long. “Bedroom? Please?” Eren pants, pressing his hips into mine, making me moan aloud at the friction he provides for the both of us. “yes, yes, yes” I say aloud before wrapping my arms around his neck as he carries me. he opens the door to my room with a free hand before closing it behind us again. My lips find his neck and I start to suck and bite on his soft skin, softly moving my hips into his as Eren stumbles around.

I fall backwards with Eren still attached to me and I give a startled yell before feeling the soft duvet of my bed on back. Eren’s bodyweight pushes the air from my longs though, making me cough and laugh at the same time. “you fucking klutz” I chuckle, taking his flustered face in between my hands. He smiles apologetically before moving up to fully lean over me, his hips in between my leg and his arms stretched next to my head.

“You look so good like this” Eren gasps, kissing my forehead before softly pressing his lips against my eyelids, giving more attention to my not functioning eye. “I have touched myself a lot these past weeks to the thought of you” The words go straight to my lower regions and I buck my hips up into his, making a hiss fall off of his lips. We’re both hard and straining in our jeans as Eren attacks my neck, sucking softly and leaving marks for sure. I can’t seem to care though since I had never even thought about that feel this good.

“Eren” I moan, grasping at his naked back and pressing my trimmed nails into his flesh. His back arches into me, pressing us closer and making me moan louder. A sudden boldness seems to take my body over then since I open my mouth. “What did you think about then?” I murmur, not sure if he heard. his hips stutter forward as he exhales sharply against my neck, he pulls back to look at my face then, eyes blown with lust and lips red and swollen.

“You, withering on your back and moaning my name as you jerk off, thighs spread as you finger yourself but still not satisfied enough because those fingers aren’t mine” Eren steadily rolls his hips into mine as he says this, watching my reaction as I blush and whimper. “I did. I already did that” I gasp, wrapping my good leg around his waist since my prosthetic would just hurt him. “Shit. Fuck” Eren gasps, closing his eyes and furrowing his brows in concentration and his hips still.

“Did I say something wrong?” I whisper, actually concerned because I really want to take this further. Eren shakes his head before exhaling. “when did you masturbate to the thought of me, Levi? Was I in the house?” His hips starts to roll again and I whimper, closing my eyes and letting my mouth fall open. “Y-yes” Eren growls into my neck before fully sitting up on the back of his legs.

“Let’s take these off, okay?” he asks softly, tugging at the zipper of his pants. “fuck yes” I breathe, sitting up too and popping open his button before pulling his zipper down. His navy blue boxers hide nothing and I can already see his cock straining against the fabric. My mouth waters as I press the tips of my fingers into his hot flesh over the fabric. Eren sighs softly while watching me, hands brushing through my hair. “off” I demand, tugging at his tight jeans. Eren chuckles before standing up from the bed and pushing his jeans down fully before stepping out of them.

The sight of him in those tight boxers make me tug at my pants too. I push them down until I reach my prosthetic. Do I have to take that off? Will it be weird if I did?

Eren must notice my hesitance since he’s in front of me in no time. “Let’s take this off too, yeah?” he softly taps the aluminium of my prosthetic and I look up at him. He’s still smiling as his hand grabs mine before releasing it again. He tugs my jeans over my prosthetic before kissing my knee and softly pushing me back. Eren has seem me take it off a few times before so I let him take it off for me. when he’s done he keeps the support fabric around my stump before leaning over the railing of the bed and softly putting my prosthetic down.

“okay?” Eren asks softly, crawling over me before resuming his former position in between my legs. I nod at him before pulling him down for a kiss. I put all of my emotions in that kiss. The joy I felt when he handled me so softly. The warmth that blooms in my chest when he kisses me back with equal passion is nothing compared to the heat that blows over me when he rolls his hips again. We both moan at the increased friction our boxers provides but we both soon grow impatient and it doesn’t take long before our underwear comes off too.

Eren is bigger and thicker than me but that was expected because of my height. His cock is a darker brown than his skin but the tip is a dark pink, pre cum is already beading at the head. This isn’t the first cock I’ve seen since we shower together in the army but it is the first one that makes me quiver and moan at the sight. “Fuck, that’s hot” Eren mutters, going back to kissing my neck before softly wrapping his hand around my own hard length.

I wrap both of my thighs around his waist and press him down, our cocks brushing together as we gasp. “I love the sounds you make, Levi” Eren whispers against my neck. My head rolls to the side as my had grasps at my nightstand. I forcefully throw the drawer open and grab the lube I keep there, also finding the condoms Hange gave me after I confessed I like Eren to her. I silently thank her and whatever god made Eren like me enough to sleep with me before turning back to Eren. He smirks at the items before kissing my lips again.

“I’m so happy you want this” He mutters against my lips, unclasping the bottle of lube and putting some on his fingers. “have you fingered yourself before?” Erne then asks, kissing my cheek. I nod while my face heats up and Eren smiles down at me. “I was hoping for that answer” His lips are on mine again and it keeps me distracted from his prodding fingers against my entrance. I gasp and let my head fall back against the pillow when the tip of his first finger enters me. it isn’t painful, not yet, it feels stretchy and good because this is Eren, not my own fingers.

He presses deeper and starts to move his fingers, his panting breaths falling against my neck with the occasional groan. “Can’t wait to be inside you, Levi. You’d feel so good wrapped around me” His teeth bite into my neck and I mewl at the feeling, a second finger prodding  at my entrance before pushing in. it a bit more uncomfortable now but the kisses Eren trails down my torso, kissing every scar visible, distracts me from that. He doesn’t stop when he reaches my cock and just keeps kissing down, over it before kissing my balls. “yes” I breath, feeling his tongue trail up my cock before the head is taken into his mouth, drawing a lewd moan from my throat.

He looks up at me with those big green eyes, his lips wrapped around me as his other hand moves inside me, pushing and pulling to make me loosen up. “E-Eren, _ngh_ , so good” I moan, my hands falling into his hair to push his head down. The muscles in my legs spasm and my fingers twitch as he pushes another finger into me.

The moan that vibrates through my makes me arch my back and snap my eyes open, Eren is rutting himself against the mattress, his eyes closed and mouth stuffed with my cock. “Fuck me, Eren. _Please_ , I want to feel you” I whimper, pulling his head off of my cock and pulling his towards my mouth.

There is a faint taste that I can only identify as myself in his mouth as our tongues intertwine. Eren presses in a fourth finger and moans with me at the feeling. “You’re gonna be so tight, _fuck_ ” Eren states, seemingly to nobody as he bites my lips. “now, Eren. Now, please” I mutter against his lips, scratching his back with my nails and feeling his pull his fingers out. Eren nods breathlessly as he grabs the condom. His fingers slide out of my ass with a wet sound as Eren watches from where he sits up.

He rolls the condom onto his length while panting and looking down at me as I squirm under his gaze. “this may hurt at first, try to relax yeah?” Eren says, hand coming up to brush hair out of my face and cupping my cheek. I nod before wrapping his good leg around his waist and pulling his forward. The tip of his cock presses against my entrance. Eren searches for my eyes and we look at each other as he presses in slowly. My face contorts in pain as I get stretched, my nails scratch at his back, no doubt leaving red marks as he bottoms out with a loud groan.

“Relax Levi, you’re almost cutting off my circulation down there” he chuckles breathlessly as I force myself to relax. Suddenly he feels a lot more comfortable inside me. “So warm” Eren hums, pressing kisses to my forehead and closes eyelids. “M-move” I murmur, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing his lips softly.

“Oh-oh God” Eren moans, pulling out softly before pressing forward. The feeling is still quite uncomfortable and I feel like I’m stretched in places I shouldn’t be. And I probably am. But seeing Eren’s flushed face and open mouth as he gasps and moans above me is worth it. “So good” he mutters, leaning up a bit to watch himself disappear into me. I grasp his forearms as he pushes harder into me. “Eren” I moan, the stretched feeling stays but makes this all feel very good, I can feel Eren’s hot flesh moving inside of me and twitching every so often. “feels good?” Eren mutters, leaning forward again to cradle me in his arms, his face buried in my neck. “a little bit” I whisper back, wrapping my legs around him a little tighter and pushing him inside a bit harder. The motion takes my breath away as Eren whimpers. “Harder, fuck me harder” I mutter in Eren’s ear, thinking that I’d like that more.

Eren nods before speeding up his thrusts and putting more force behind them. Moans and gasps fall from my lips more frequently and I can feel my cheeks heat up significantly. Now it starts to feel good, really good. “yes” Eren hisses, taking my thighs and pressing them towards my chest, making me mewl loudly. “Eren” I moan, my eyes falling closed as I throw an arm over my eyes. “Levi” Eren’s voice breaks in the middle as he pushes even harder.

He moves around for a bit, not stopping his thrusts until I arch my back off of the mattress, white flooding my vision as my toes curl in pleasure. “Holy fuck” Eren and I both moan. “Again, Eren” I whine, throwing my arm from my face to grasp my own thighs and spreading them wider.

Eren hits that spot inside of me again and my jaw drops open for Erne to put his tongue into to muffle his own moans. He keeps hammering into that spot and making me a blubbering mess with red cheeks and salvia falling out of my mouth. Then his hand is back on my cock and I feel so fucking good in that moment that I can’t help but let go.

With a loud cry I come all over myself, cum splattering on my chest, some reaching my neck and chin as Eren keeps me folded in half and keeps pressing his cock into my sweet spot. Our loud moans merge together as one and I have no idea what sounds are his and what are mine.

I open my eyes again when I come down from my high, my entrance feeling so sensitive right now as Eren keeps pushing into me, even faster and sloppier than before. “I’m about to c-cum” He whimpers into my neck. I grasp his face in between my hands and make him look at me. we share the same air as he lets out several mewls.

His cheeks are flushed and his jaw is slack, eyebrows raised in pleasure as he pants. His moans get  pitch higher as is hips stutter. His groan cracks as his hips still deep inside of me. he whines softly as I circle my hips against his and move his cock inside of me, milking him out. Then him arms give out and he lands onto my own cum.

We hold each other close as we both pant.

“Fucking amazing” Eren breaks the silence. “that was the best sex I’ve ever had” He then sighs happily. His nose nuzzles my neck and he can feel my elated heartbeat, no doubt. I softly rub his back as he sits up, pressing a kiss to my nose as he sees me grimace at the feeling of cum sticking to my chest.

Eren softly pulls out, making me sigh in contentment as I lay there with open legs and my arms sprawled out. He takes off the condom before tying it and standing up to throw it away. “Don’t go anywhere, I’ll get something to clean you up. Besides, I’m not done with you yet” He winks at me before going through the bathroom room. As I watch his back with red, harsh lines on them and his perfect butt I can help but think to myself;

Maybe I can be _that_ someone to Eren after all, Hange. Maybe.


	12. Chapther Twelve

I have never felt this warm waking up. I have never felt this pleasant waking up.

The haziness of my mind this morning is thick and I blink my eye a couple of times to wake up more fully. My vision is still fuzzy around the edges when I look up at Eren. My head is propped up on his chest, my bad leg thrown over his hips while he holds it at the back of my knee, his pinky softly stroking my scarred skin there. We’re both still naked. A giddy smile forms on my lips as I nuzzle into his neck, feeling his heartbeat against my forehead.

Everything we did last night comes back to me and I can’t help but experimentally move my hips to see if I’m sore or anything. A dull throb is suddenly very noticeable on the bottom half of my body but it just adds fuel to my smile. “You look happy this morning” My eye snaps up at the sound of Eren’s gruff voice next to my head. He smiles down at me before pressing a kiss against my cheek and moving onto his side. “I am” I answer, cupping his cheeks in my hands. He moves his head to the side to kiss my left palm before closing his eyes again. “I’m glad. I can get used to waking up like this” His smile widens as does mine.

I also close my eyes, my right hand resting over the pulse in his neck, half into his unruly excuse of a bedhead. “What are we now, Eren?” I whisper, not daring to open my eyes again and see regret, disappointment because he thought this would be a simple fuck or maybe even anger because I’m asking this too soon. Or would it maybe be disgust because he thought he could handle all of me, scars and half a leg but after last night he found out he couldn’t. that he only went through with it because I was so into it. “I want to call you mine. and I want you to call me yours too” his muttered words bring the smile back to my face and I nod, finally opening my eyes.

He leans forward and presses a soft kiss against my lips, then another one, and another before he crawls on top of me, much like our position last night. “you’re so beautiful, Levi” Before he can say any more bullshit I shut him up by pressing my mouth to his and pushing my hands into his hair, keeping him close to me. my heart thrums from his words, a warm and happy feeling crawling through my veins.

“shut up,” I breathe against his lips, boldly rolling my body into his only to find his morning wood already good to go. “and fuck me, Eren” I finish, making him hum into my mouth, his hand reaching out to search for the bottle of lube we discarded yesterday and another condom.

Soon after making out for and getting me hard with some grinding I can feel a lube covered finger pressing against my entrance and going in. the feeling is way less uncomfortable than last night and Eren is almost immediately pressing in a second and third finger.

His fingers press up against my inner walls when that same amazing sensation floods my nerves. “there! God~” I moan, grabbing Eren’s wrist in attempt to keep his fingers pressed deeply inside me. “You look so hot when you do that” Eren growls into my neck, sucking and kissing the skin there while softly massaging that spot inside of me.

I’m withering and moaning and my cheeks must looks so extremely red since they feel like they’re on fire. My desperate hands grasp everything they can find and mainly tug harshly at Eren’s hair. Eren moans with me sometimes, his cock resting against my inner thigh as he keeps grinding himself against me. when I look down and see his hips thrust as he gains pleasure from just my skin pressed against his I moan loudly. I want that amazing feeling in between my cheeks right about now. “E-Eren?” I force out in between whimpers. He looks up at me, his fingers stilling inside and I whine at the loss of movement.

“What do you want?” Eren breathes against my cheek before kissing it. “You, from behind” I gasp as his fingers move inside me one more time before being removed completely. Eren sits up on his knees and looks down at me with lust blown eyes. “turn over” He demands, helping me a bit since my legs are shaking. I’m pressed flat against my stomach with my head propped on my arms since I can’t hold my balance for long without the support of my right calf.

“yes, just like that” Eren breathes, his hands coming up from the back of my thighs to the plump flesh of my behind. He softly squeezes them in his palms before spreading me open, making me whimper into my pillow. “You look so good like this, baby” His breath is hot against the back of my neck as my back arches into the mattress, pushing my behind into his hard crotch and earning myself a moan from the man behind me.

Eren sits back again and I can only imagine the image of him putting on a condom. Last night it looked so fucking hot when he did it, biting his bottom lip while holding himself in his hand and stroking himself.

A pressure against my asshole makes sure that I stay in the present but when he presses forward again my eyes roll back into my head. This position makes sure that I feel everything. Every ridge noticeable through the condom and every twitch Eren gives at the tightness of my insides. One of Eren’s hands finds my own and he intertwines our fingers, experimentally rolling his hips into the flesh of my ass.

Instead of the slight pain and uncomfortableness of yesterday I can only feel bliss. The loud and harsh smacks of his pelvis slamming into my behind and his ragged breaths falling against my neck when he doubles over. Moans fall from my slack jaw and my legs twitch, toes curling.

“Feels good, yeah?” Eren asks breathlessly, I nod quickly before going slack again. Salvia pools onto my pillow as Eren keeps pulling out slowly before slamming back in, the tip of his cock brushing that amazing part inside of me. when Eren pushes forward it makes my own cock rub against the duvet of my bed, giving me the perfect friction and making sure that I won’t last very long.

“I’m going to cum, Eren” I whine into the pillow, my whole body shaking with the effort of keeping it in and making this bliss last longer. Eren grunts behind me, his hand not holding mine grabbing my hips to push me further into the mattress and fuck me even harder. “come for me then, I want you to” He breathes against my back and that’s all it takes.

My body tingles and my fingers and toes curl as my eyes roll back in pleasure. A loud cry of his name fall off my lips as he keeps thrusting into me, albeit very sloppy right now. “I fucking love it when you cry my name when you cum, Jesus fuck” His hips stutter before stilling completely as he empties himself into the condom with several loud moans. I can feel his length twitching weakly inside of me as he comes down from his high. We’re both panting as Eren collapses onto my back.

He presses soft kisses against my shoulders before pulling out softly, making me feel empty again. I can feel his weight leaving the bed before a wet cloth is pressed in between my butt to clean the lube from me. my cheeks heat up at the intimate feeling but I quickly dismiss it since he has already seen that part of me and apparently isn’t ashamed of it. “Shower?” Eren asks, rolling me over before grimacing at the wet spot on the duvet from where I came. I nod sleepily before yawning and stretching out on the bed.

“S’cute” Eren chuckles, standing up again before helping me stand so we can go to the bathroom.

Eren dresses me in the same sweater I wore on that night we had tea together and some black jeans before handing me my prosthetic and dressing himself. “So, you’re my boyfriend now?” I try out the word and it feels weird but also very satisfying. Boyfriend means mine to touch, to talk to and maybe even to love. Eren giggles to himself as he puts his shirt on. “yeah, and you’re mine” He leans down for a kiss before helping me to my feet and opening the door of my bedroom to get breakfast.

We walk into the kitchen only to find Mikasa there, reading a book on the counter while looking awfully pale. I stop dead in my tracks when she looks up, locking gazes with me. “I was wondering where Eren slept last night but I guess I found out in the worst possible way this morning” She mumbles, taking a sip of her tea as Eren’s cheeks turn a bright red and he scratches the back of his neck.  “We’re sorry, Mika.” Eren chuckles, moving forward to make some tea and bread for the both of us. I take place on one of the barstools standing next to the kitchen counter in front of Mikasa. “it’s okay. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could take Levi pining after you anyway” She looks up at me from her book with a cheeky smile while I splutter out a prostest. “And I was getting a bit sick of you talking about my cousin, Eren” She giggles to herself as Eren sighs, his cheeks turning red again. “I wasn’t” He mumbles, his bottom lip sticking out in a pout.

MIkasa laughs before putting her book down and leaning forward to me. “He totally was, he couldn’t shut up about how beautiful the colour of your eyes are and how beautiful your black hair contrasts with your pale skin. Oh! And let’s not forget that time he talked about your hot body” She keeps laughing as Eren smacks her on the back of the head, making me giggle into my fresh cup of tea and smirking while watching the exchange between my niece and boyfriend.

“You know what? I’m not ashamed of it” Eren declares, putting down the butter knife he used to make us bread and walking towards me. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into his chest. A small smile forms on my lips as he nudges my chin up before firmly pressing a kiss on my lips. this kiss is much like our first, soft and loving but the sound of Mikasa making a gagging noise ruins it a little bit. Eren pulls back, grinning down at me before brushing some hair out of my eyes.

“I can see that, Jesus. Stop being so sappy” Eren and I break contact when Mikasa speaks up again with an annoyed eye roll. We both don’t miss the smile on her lips though, which makes me happy since I want Mikasa to be okay with us.

Mai joins us after five minutes, clad in her bathrobe with her black hair up in a messy ponytail. When she walks into the kitchen she immediately notices the lack of distance between Eren and I, and the huge sweater I’m wearing also catches her eye. She turns to the both of us when she sees, a serious look on her face before she smiles warmly. “I’m glad” She tells us, leaning across the kitchen island to softly squeeze my hand before turning around and making herself breakfast. Eren smiles down at me when she does before kissing my lips softly.

“But,” Mai says then, turning back towards us just when Eren and I separate. “No sex on the couch” She promptly declares, pointing a finger at both Eren and I, a cheeky smirk tugging on her lips before she lets out a small laugh with all of us. Eren’s cheeks are a bright red again though, making me smirk too as I sip on my tea.

After breakfast Eren comes with me back to my room to lay down for an hour. Mai gave us a look as we closed the door behind us, making Eren smirk down at me before quickly promising Mai that we won’t do anything. I wanted to lay down for a while since my eyes feel tired and my muscles a bit sore, especially my stump from walking on it all day yesterday and this morning. I practically collapse onto my mattress, my arms sprawled to the sides as I sigh heavily.

“Are you tired?” Eren questions, placing his hands on either side of my hips before crawling forward. He smirks down at me before dipping his head down for a soft kiss. I nod tiredly, my hand coming up to rub at my good eye. Eren hums, pressing three kisses to my cheek before letting himself fall to the side next to me. “Let me take that off for you” Eren mutters, sitting up again before unclasping my prosthetic and freeing my leg, he also peels off the support sock and my stump feels a lot better just from the fresh air hitting my scarred flesh. I mutter a thanks to Eren before he moves to lay beside me again with his face turned towards me.

We lay there in silence for five minutes until Eren speaks up again. “Levi? Do you remember the day when they rescued you?” his voice is so soft and breakable, like he knows he’s entering dangerous territory and is being very careful about it. His warm hand grasps my colder one before pressing his lips against my knuckles as we gaze in each others eyes. I nod softly, also moving onto my side while putting my hand in front of my mouth, my fingertips softly stroking my bottom lip. I close my eyes and breathe in deeply.

“I don’t remember it personally, but they told me how they found me, what I looked like and stuff but I was out cold at the time so I don’t really remember personally” I whisper, leaning my head forward so our foreheads are touching. “would you want to tell me sometime? Talking about what you went through can help you out a lot, and I would like to listen if you’d have me” Eren softly rubs his knuckles against my cheek, silently comforting me. His eyes are earnest as he tells me this but I still have to think about it.

I don’t want to burden Eren with what I went through. I don’t want to burden him with the image of what I looked like when I was found, the only one alive of my squad. Alive is a big word though. I was barely breathing and my wounds were heavily infected with the most horrible shit. I was so starved that my stomach was hollowed and my bones were pronounced heavily. My hair was very long and greasy and I had flees everywhere. That’s what they told me.

“I don’t think you’d want to know” I whisper back, clenching my eyes shut. Soft lips press against mine then before Eren pulls back again. “I do want to know. I want to know you even better than I do right now, and what happened there is a big part of you, a part that damaged you and I want to help you get through it.” Eren says, putting his arms around my waist before tugging me against him. My head settles on his chest and my left hand too as I cuddle against my boyfriend.

“Okay” I whisper, my voice cracking I the middle of the word. I take a deep breath before closing my eyes and telling Eren what my colleagues had told me.

“A colleague of mine, Mike, and his squad were the ones to attack the terrorists we were captured by. They found Petra first, or at least what was left of her. The night before they came and rescued us she was burned alive at a small plaza nearby the building we were held in. they found her smouldering body there.” I remember the night they did that. I was forced to watch on my knees while my last squad member, and best friend in the army was burned alive. Her screams sometimes still echo in my mind at night when I can sleep.

“Then they found Gunther. His body two feet apart from his head in a corridor of the building where I was held too. They told me his blood was everywhere and it looked like he has been lying there for a good four days. When they opened my cell I was pressed into a corner, naked and covered in dirt and my own bodily fluids, I was so fucking dirty you can’t even imagine. My leg was a bit longer back then but my wound was infested with worms so they had to cut off a bit more when I was in hospital and threat me for them. Mike told me I was as light as a feather when he picked me up after checking I was still breathing. They took me back to the base and contacted our superiors, telling them they found me.” Somewhere in the middle of my story Eren pulled his forehead back to look at me, his hands cupping my cheeks and his thumb wiping away the tears that were steadily leaking out of my good eye.

“They tried to feed me, talk to me, but I refused everything, not even responding to them but my eyes were open. I had seen so fucking much, Eren. I was so shocked that I was saved that I couldn’t even talk. I was just holding on to Mike, the only one I trusted enough to keep me safe at that moment as they tried to get close to me, to clean me up probably. Mike kept them away though because every time they tried I would start to shake and tremble and suffocate Mike with my tight grip.” I let out a dry laugh before opening my eyes and looking at Eren.

His green eyes are soft and blurry because he had been crying too as he hold on to me. “I’m so sorry, Levi.” He whispers, his breath hitting my forehead as he keeps pressing small kisses there. I bury my face into his shirt, holding tightly onto him. “It’s not your fault” I whisper back, my lips pressing against the warm flesh of his neck as I throw my leg around his waist to keep him even closer to me. “I know, but I’m so sorry you had to go through that. You must have felt so alone”

Eren rolls us over so I’m straddling his hips, our chests pressed together and my face still in his neck. His arms wrap around my waist and he squeezes me tightly. I softly nod against his chest, confirming that, yes I did feel alone. I felt so terribly alone because I hadn’t seen my friends for a couple of days before Petra was burned, I didn’t even know Gunther was dead until Mike told me. That last night was horrific. It was incredibly cold and my leg and fingers were hurting. My eye was still burning because they had just recently poured hot wax into it, and I was certain that I was going to die there. I passed out then and woke up back at the base.

“I’m so glad you’re safe now. And I promise to keep you safe for as long as you’ll let me.” His words make warmth flood through me and I believe those words. I believe that Eren can keep me safe from now on, that I have nothing to fear except maybe lose Eren. I strongly feel like we can keep each other happy for as long as we can and I haven’t felt happiness in a long time. I haven’t felt it since my mother died and I went into the army.

“I’ll keep you safe too” I mutter back, lifting my head to look at Eren. He’s smiling softly at me as he cups my cheeks, pulling me forward in a tender kiss that leaves me breathless. “If I don’t keep you safe I won’t be able to give you those million kisses I promised you, now would I?” His lopsided grin makes me smile too before I nod, leaning forward again to kiss him more forcefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end you guys. I really loved writing this story but I'm also glad I finished it since I was on the edge on abondoning it for a while before I forced myself to finish it. However the fact that I almost didnt finish it doesn't mean I don't love this story or really enjoyed writing it.
> 
> I hope you liked this story and found it as special and different as I did/do. please leave iin the comments what you think of it and if you liekd it or not since taht can really help me write more fanfics or adjust some of my current ones.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! <3

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any remarks or questions about what is going on or just about the fic in general, feel free to contact me and I'll try to answer your questions as good as I can without spoiling the story for you.
> 
> Also, feedback is always appreciated <3  
> Thank you so much for reading~!
> 
> also check out my other fics; [When the whore falls for the virgin](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8156051) [Titan Circus](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10544920) [Eternal Smile](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7650058) and [Attached](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10751820)
> 
> And find me on Tumblr! ;) [ererimakesmesin](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ererimakesmesin)


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